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Validation
Feb. 23rd, 2007 12:41 pmStanding in line to pay at a restaurant somewhere down in Hillcrest, my hubby and I stood patiently, soaking in the native ambiance. Having enjoyed a wonderful dinner, we welcomed the opportunity to look around and simply people-watch. Entering the lobby from one of the side dining rooms, a blond woman slowly approached the front register, parking slip held firmly in her right hand. Gaining the attention of the man behind the counter, she held out the slip, smiled, and said, “I need validation.” Without missing a beat, the man behind the counter gave a quick smirk and retorted, “honey, ya got great hair.” Having processed the fact that she had just gotten jabbed, the blond blushed while the rest of us laughed. While this amusing anecdote certainly did not give the lady the immediate result that she had wanted, the rest of us all got a great chuckle. And it leads into the subject of today’s rambling – validation.
What IS validation exactly? Do we need it? If so, WHY do we need it?
Some things in life are very black and white. If a man lives to one hundred, our society would label him as an old man. Oh sure, we may have politically correct terms such as “mature” or “elderly.” Heck, some people may even say “one hundred years young.” But does this polite validation change anything? No. He was still born one hundred years ago. Yet, one thing remains true about the validation – if given well, it feels good. You may feel as if you have lost weight. But the real feel-good moment is when you step on that scale and see a lower number. WooHOO! Validation! Cha-CKING!
For me, my validation came yesterday when I visited my doctor. Being about a year since I last went in, I compiled a laundry list of items to discuss – a 40,000 mile check, if you will. One of the points that I mentioned involved not an ailment, but a behavior. I think you all know what I mean. I began discussing my symptoms – can’t sit still… can’t relax… can’t stay focused enough to sit down and read a book… MUST finish my projects… cannot tolerate messes… cannot block out disorder… etc., etc., etc. Yes, we all joke about being obsessive and anal-retentive, etc. But trust me – there are times when it is really NOT a joke. There are times when I become so upset at the imperfection of the offending object/person/timing, that I just want to smash things – and I’m not kidding. Back before I knew that this phenomenon could lead to a sugar-shift in my body, I DID find myself smashing things – phones, glasses, and sometimes even furniture. Seeing red was an uncommon, but still very real reality for me. NOT pretty. To me, I felt embarrassed to even be discussing it with my doctor. I’m so used to being told, “Oh quitcher whining” or, “quit bein’ a drama queen” that I was almost afraid to mention it. Long story short, he is putting me on medication designed for people who are obsessive-compulsive. Holy SHYTE! IT IS REAL!
Yah, a lot of you are probably saying, “Um…. CHUUUUU! Anyone who has ever met you knows you are more of a nut than Joan Crawford. Now put down that hanger!” But I guess the validation for me wasn’t so much recognizing the symptoms. It was more about the condition. At that moment, I realized, “This IS a chemical thing. It isn’t that I am totally intolerant. It isn’t that I am totally impatient. It isn’t that I am totally unforgiving. In short, it isn’t just the way my personality is wired. Chemistry has a part in this!” I’m not shirking responsibility for my actions. I’m just glad to know that sometimes my behavior is less of a result of my desire to behave that way, and more influence by the chemistry.
Now, hand in hand with this is my control-freak nature. I do not like the idea of taking a pill that will screw around with my brain. In fact, I hate this. I do not like surrendering to a medication. BUT, if this will make me a better person, I’m willing to give it a shot.
Dear friends, this whole thing makes me nervous. REALLY, REALLY, REALLY NERVOUS! Watch me over the next couple of weeks. I’m hoping for a helpful difference. I’m looking for… you guessed it… I’m looking for validation.
What IS validation exactly? Do we need it? If so, WHY do we need it?
Some things in life are very black and white. If a man lives to one hundred, our society would label him as an old man. Oh sure, we may have politically correct terms such as “mature” or “elderly.” Heck, some people may even say “one hundred years young.” But does this polite validation change anything? No. He was still born one hundred years ago. Yet, one thing remains true about the validation – if given well, it feels good. You may feel as if you have lost weight. But the real feel-good moment is when you step on that scale and see a lower number. WooHOO! Validation! Cha-CKING!
For me, my validation came yesterday when I visited my doctor. Being about a year since I last went in, I compiled a laundry list of items to discuss – a 40,000 mile check, if you will. One of the points that I mentioned involved not an ailment, but a behavior. I think you all know what I mean. I began discussing my symptoms – can’t sit still… can’t relax… can’t stay focused enough to sit down and read a book… MUST finish my projects… cannot tolerate messes… cannot block out disorder… etc., etc., etc. Yes, we all joke about being obsessive and anal-retentive, etc. But trust me – there are times when it is really NOT a joke. There are times when I become so upset at the imperfection of the offending object/person/timing, that I just want to smash things – and I’m not kidding. Back before I knew that this phenomenon could lead to a sugar-shift in my body, I DID find myself smashing things – phones, glasses, and sometimes even furniture. Seeing red was an uncommon, but still very real reality for me. NOT pretty. To me, I felt embarrassed to even be discussing it with my doctor. I’m so used to being told, “Oh quitcher whining” or, “quit bein’ a drama queen” that I was almost afraid to mention it. Long story short, he is putting me on medication designed for people who are obsessive-compulsive. Holy SHYTE! IT IS REAL!
Yah, a lot of you are probably saying, “Um…. CHUUUUU! Anyone who has ever met you knows you are more of a nut than Joan Crawford. Now put down that hanger!” But I guess the validation for me wasn’t so much recognizing the symptoms. It was more about the condition. At that moment, I realized, “This IS a chemical thing. It isn’t that I am totally intolerant. It isn’t that I am totally impatient. It isn’t that I am totally unforgiving. In short, it isn’t just the way my personality is wired. Chemistry has a part in this!” I’m not shirking responsibility for my actions. I’m just glad to know that sometimes my behavior is less of a result of my desire to behave that way, and more influence by the chemistry.
Now, hand in hand with this is my control-freak nature. I do not like the idea of taking a pill that will screw around with my brain. In fact, I hate this. I do not like surrendering to a medication. BUT, if this will make me a better person, I’m willing to give it a shot.
Dear friends, this whole thing makes me nervous. REALLY, REALLY, REALLY NERVOUS! Watch me over the next couple of weeks. I’m hoping for a helpful difference. I’m looking for… you guessed it… I’m looking for validation.
