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Falling off the Pedestal
Nov. 2nd, 2015 12:50 pmImagine yourself in this situation. You have a friend whom we will call “Fred”. Fred is someone that you admire and respect greatly. Over the years that you have known Fred, you have been staunch allies, and occasionally bickered. But always, you have maintained a sense of respect and mutual admiration – or at least that is how you feel. But there is something that really bugs you about Fred that just keeps you on your guard. You see, Fred is a great admirer and strong ally with Jonathan. Fred holds Jonathan up on a pedestal. Jonathan is very popular. Jonathan is greatly respected. Jonathan is one of those people that everyone wants to know and everyone likes. And you too once held Jonathan up on a pedestal… until he very cruelly SCREWED YOU OVER. Lots of people know he screwed you over. And while some people rally to your side, the fact is that Jonathan is still Mr. Popular, and most people would prefer to simply turn a blind eye because, well… because it’s Jonathan.
Over time, you have learned to move on as best you can. You may have learned to not carry a grudge. You may have learned to forgive, as best you can. But the fact is, you cannot forget – not ever. And sadly, this colors your view of Fred. Fred saw what happened. Fred knows that Jonathan threw you under the bus. But somehow, someway, Fred is under the same spell as everyone else who is a part of the Cult of Jonathan. And even after all this time, you just want to grab Fred by the shoulders, shake him like mad, and ask, “What the hell is WRONG with you?! You are worshipping a prick!”
So what do you do?
For me, I think one of the harshest realities of adulthood is realizing that some people can just be jerks. And for some, it really all comes down to me, me, me, me, and if you happen to get hurt in the process, so what? In their world, your feelings aren’t as important as their views, their close buddies, their opinions, or their goals. And it sucks. If you are like me, your OCD nature demands closure. Whether it be a project, or an unanswered question, or a great big argument with someone; your nature just requires some sort of closure. And sadly, to have closure between two people, the two people need to agree to work on it.
For me, all these years later, I occasionally run into “Jonathan”. Jonathan is kinda polite, much as I would expect him to be towards anyone who is potentially useful or connected to people that he considers important. But, as they say, once bitten twice shy. I am not vindictive. I am not mean-spirited. While some people would not be happy until Jonathan got dragged through the mud for really horrid behavior, I would not feel any sense of satisfaction out of it. For me, all I require are those magic words, “I’m sorry. I was wrong to have hurt you.” But… I’m not foolish. I know it will never happen. Jonathan is too full of his own pride and frankly, I’m not important enough or useful enough in his world for him to care. As for Fred… sadly I have lost a bit more respect for Fred. If that is the kind of person that Fred admires, perhaps I have made a mistake holding Fred in more regard than he deserves.
For my personality, lack of closure is like an open wound that simply never heals. Years later, it still stings. But in a way, it reminds me of very sad but important lessons. Sometimes, even the most popular and well-respected people can still be asshats.
Regardless of what the popular kids may think about me, or you, or anyone else; it means nothing – NOTHING - compared to what you know of your own self to be true.
Over time, you have learned to move on as best you can. You may have learned to not carry a grudge. You may have learned to forgive, as best you can. But the fact is, you cannot forget – not ever. And sadly, this colors your view of Fred. Fred saw what happened. Fred knows that Jonathan threw you under the bus. But somehow, someway, Fred is under the same spell as everyone else who is a part of the Cult of Jonathan. And even after all this time, you just want to grab Fred by the shoulders, shake him like mad, and ask, “What the hell is WRONG with you?! You are worshipping a prick!”
So what do you do?
For me, I think one of the harshest realities of adulthood is realizing that some people can just be jerks. And for some, it really all comes down to me, me, me, me, and if you happen to get hurt in the process, so what? In their world, your feelings aren’t as important as their views, their close buddies, their opinions, or their goals. And it sucks. If you are like me, your OCD nature demands closure. Whether it be a project, or an unanswered question, or a great big argument with someone; your nature just requires some sort of closure. And sadly, to have closure between two people, the two people need to agree to work on it.
For me, all these years later, I occasionally run into “Jonathan”. Jonathan is kinda polite, much as I would expect him to be towards anyone who is potentially useful or connected to people that he considers important. But, as they say, once bitten twice shy. I am not vindictive. I am not mean-spirited. While some people would not be happy until Jonathan got dragged through the mud for really horrid behavior, I would not feel any sense of satisfaction out of it. For me, all I require are those magic words, “I’m sorry. I was wrong to have hurt you.” But… I’m not foolish. I know it will never happen. Jonathan is too full of his own pride and frankly, I’m not important enough or useful enough in his world for him to care. As for Fred… sadly I have lost a bit more respect for Fred. If that is the kind of person that Fred admires, perhaps I have made a mistake holding Fred in more regard than he deserves.
For my personality, lack of closure is like an open wound that simply never heals. Years later, it still stings. But in a way, it reminds me of very sad but important lessons. Sometimes, even the most popular and well-respected people can still be asshats.
Regardless of what the popular kids may think about me, or you, or anyone else; it means nothing – NOTHING - compared to what you know of your own self to be true.
