I never thought…

Sitting down in the closing meditation of my yoga class last night, I came to a couple of unexpected realizations.  My instructor had led us through a rather vigorous routine, emphasizing stretching and lengthening poses.  At the end of the intense and heat-building session, we sat in “hero” pose in a quiet meditation. Towards the end of the class, I opened my eyes and looked over to the side to see myself in the mirror.  At that moment, I realized a few things.  I never thought…

 

… that my knees would be ok again.  Having done some nasty damage to my knees back in my early 30’s, I worried about what I would and would not be able to do in the future.  Would I be able to dance again?  Would I always walk with a limp?  Would I be able to exercise?  Would I be able to push myself?  Sitting there in Hero position, not an easy one for people with knee problems, I realized that I really AM ok, and that I HAVE been able to take care of myself.

 

… that I would be here in California.  Gosh, how did THAT happen?  When I lived in Massachusetts, I never wanted to leave… until we got to Florida.  And then I realized what Massachusetts was missing.  When I was in Florida, I never wanted to leave… until I decided to move to California.   That was when I realized what Florida was missing.  I am much more open to knew ideas now, and have the self-confidence to learn new things, or try new concepts.  I’m not sure what my next adventure holds, but I am at least open to it.

 

… I would be happy with how I look.  For so much of my life, the mirror would reveal an insecure fat kid.  Even when I was in college, all I could see was that insecure fat kid.  Now, I look in the mirror and ultimately, I like what I see.  Some what around the temples and a few wrinkles here and there are not detractions, but marks of time, wisdom and character.  The little roll around the midsection betrays a man who enjoys his own cooking.  I need not look beyond my own smile to know that I feel good about myself.  I didn’t expect that would ever happen.

 

… how much more I would want to learn.  The older I get, the more I feel like a kid in a candy store.  Every time I open up a museum catalog, or book reprint, I feel almost overwhelmed with inspiration.  “I wanna learn how to do THAT!” my inner child whines.  There are so many things to do in life, and absolutely not enough time to do them all.  So I ask you this – how is it even possible to ever, EVER become bored?

A Day at the Movies

Sitting on the patio area of the California Pizza Kitchen just outside of the theater, Paul and I gorged ourselves on avocado eggrolls while catching the best bird’s eye view of the parade of people walking out of the theater.  Having just finished up a double-feature of the latest TLA releases, we have stocked up on our gay-themed film-viewing for at least a little while.  Looking back, I am pretty pleased that we took the time to attend the festival.  Both films were fairly unique and refreshing.

 

The first film, Boystown, is a Spanish film with subtitles.  The basic plot centers on a couple of cute bears living in a small Spanish suburb that is slowly rising out of its ghettoish state into a state of revitalization.  The only drawback to such gentrification involves a certain devilishly handsome real estate agent who employs unscrupulous business practices to purchase and flip apartments, including the murder of old ladies who refuse to sell to him.  To complicate the situation even further, add in a healthy dose of overbearing and high-maintenance mothers to the plot, and we have an enjoyable flick that combines suspense with a couple of good laughs here and there.

 

The second film, Three-Day Weekend, involves a character study of 8 gay men who head off to a cabin in the woods one weekend to get away from it all.  As the plot unfolds, the audience learns about the relationships and emotional foibles of each of the men as they each face their own demons and their own fears of inadequacy.  The film does not attempt to dispel any false stereotypes or to resolve all issues by the conclusion of its 2 hour running time.  As in real life, some relationships work well while others do not.  Some people have more damage than others, and some are more interested in repairs.

 

By the time our main course arrived, we noticed a number of the actors that we had just seen on the big screen go walking by.  “Hey,” Paul said while gesturing over to the side.  “Isn’t that the street-hustler?”  “Yeppers,” I said.  “And there’s the nude yoga instructor not far behind him.”  I really do enjoy living in California where in addition to the movie, we often get the chance to see the actors.  Looking at our own lives and our own relationship, we both identified, from time to time, with various issues or situations on the big screen.  But yet, when it comes down to it, our story (at least on Sunday evening), ended with a nice meal, a couple of laughs, pleasant conversation, and a comfortable openness that many couples just do not share.  And as we drove home from another busy and fun weekend, I once again reasserted a pleasant reality – I’ve got a really great life.