The rolodex of random thoughts

Good afternoon world. I'm posting quite a bit later than I normally due, as I spent the morning in WeHo. Today was visit #3 to ARA as a human guinea pig in the lab. Once again, they took blood for more tests to study me in their efforts to develop an HIV vaccine. May the gods grant success to this study!

I am not particularly squeamish when it comes to having blood drawn. I remember years ago, shortly after my father died, I made a point to go to the blood bank on a monthly basis to donate. In its own small way, that was sort of therapy for me. I saw doctors and nurses do a lot to help my dad and try to make him comfortable in the last few months. I felt that the least I could do was to try and help medicine. Years later, after I came out and entered the age of "Gay Puberty", I found that I was no longer allowed to donate blood. What-what-WHAT? Regardless of the fact that I am negative, they still ask that amazingly biased and STUPID question about whether I have had sex, even once, with a man since the late 70's. If they test each pint of blood (which they have to do), what freaken difference does that make? Strictly heterosexual people are not at less risk for infection. Yet they get to donate blood. GODS that made me mad. So nowadays, while I am not legally able to donate pints of blood, I am at least getting stuck for the advancement of medicine.

Hello world,

This morning, I am awake, alert, and ready to face the day. That is the good part. The bad part is, my to-do list seems to have exploded. Why is that?

I realize that I do this to myself. Truth be told, when given the choice, I would rather be overly-busy than to sit on the couch with nothing to do. Having NO projects to work on is my ultimate nightmare. But right now, that is far, far, far, from the case. Workwise, Murphy's Law always applies. Why is it that when I am in the office, I could hear a pin drop all day? Nobody stops by my office with any crises, and things are typically "situation normal"? However, if I am out, the $*%$& hits the fan, phonecalls abound, and information is required NOW-NOW-NOW?

Yesterday, I bit the bullet to do my part for my fellow man. I decided to enroll in a clinical trial. The long and the short of it is this. The clinical trial involves an experimental HIV vaccine (yes "vaccine"). People involved in the trial either receive 100% placebo, or 100% vaccine. The lab will be doing tests (read that as a lot of blood-drawing) for the next 4-5 years. I do not yet know if I will be given the go-ahead to become involved.

Basically, here is the scoop as they explained it to me. The vaccine itself was developed in a lab, and is a genetic modification of a particular existing virus that causes the common cold. They have taken this particular cold virus, weakened it, and have modified it at the genetic level in the labs to resemble the HIV virus. While the virus *looks* like the HIV virus, it is harmless. It isn't even strong enough to give a person a cold. Once injected into the body, it will not cause harm, but it will trigger the body to attack it. In the process, the body will be trained to attack anything that looks like it - including the real HIV virus, should that individual ever have exposure to HIV in the future.

At this point in time, the lab is only enrolling people who have NOT been exposed to this particular variety of cold-virus. So they are testing my blood. Since this involves all kinds of cultures and tests, I won't know for over a month whether or not I have been exposed to this particular cold virus.

To be perfectly honest, I am a mix of excitement and nervousness over this. I am excited because this is a way to get involved. HIV is such a horrible HORRIBLE disease, I feel it is, in many ways, an honor to become involved however I can in the fight for a cure. But on the other hand, I am nervous. There are always unknowns. I know that the vaccine can NOT cause HIV. I know that they say that the vaccine is a weakened version of a natural cold-virus. But still, this sounds like the opening chapter of a sci-fi story. And it makes me nervous. The biggest warning-sign that I see is that 80% of people involved in previous trials of this nature tested false-positive for HIV. Basically, most HIV tests out there do not actually test for the virus, but for a particular bi-product that appears in the blood. Since this vaccine has been modified to look similar to real HIV, it creates a similar bi-product which triggers the same test-result. Long story short, people who do not actually HAVE HIV can receive positive test results. And it is unknown how long that will be the case. Some people, after a while, no longer show false-positives. Others continue. Now, is this a huge deal for me knowing this in advance? I guess not. But still, it feels a little weird.

Well, no sense obsessing about it for right now. At this point, I don't even know if I will be allowed to enroll. And there is a very good possibility that I won't be accepted, given that I have caught colds in my lifetime. We'll see...

And on a side-note for activism - my thanks and praise goes out to those of you in Tampa who have taken a stand against bigottry. Banning Gay Pride activities, indeed! Poopy-heads!