The Church of Baskin-Robbins

Recently, I was chatting with an acquaintance of mine who is a Catholic. While trying not to pry, I was rather curious as to why he, a gay man, still chose to subscribe to being Catholic. Ultimately, he is ok being gay and Catholic because he believes he is fine the way he is. I too agree that he is perfectly fine the way he is, and that he is not “flawed” by being a big ol’ queer. But where I disagree is on the Catholic part. I respect his choice. I just don’t agree with it. After all, Catholicism is pretty staunch in its unwavering view that it is NOT ok to be gay. And that is where I take issue – not just with the religion, but with the idea of anyone choosing to stay given the terms and conditions.

 

I know I have posted on this concept lots in the past, so I’ll just summarize things here. I do believe there was a historical Jesus – a very mortal human being. Free-thinking, and radical, he taught and practiced kindness, ethics, and morality – a noble cause indeed. The victim of an incredibly harsh and cruel political murder, he inspired countless over the centuries – sadly not always in the best way. I think I would have gotten along rather well with Jesus. And if we could span the centuries together, we would probably both fight hard against many of the churches that came along after him.

 

I have my dear husband to thank for opening my eyes to the fact that not all forms of Christianity are bad. Being a woad-coverin’, devout ex-Catholic myself, I grew up believing that there was Catholicism (the One True Faith), and all the other flavors, which were some variety of the same thing. Protestant was Catholic Light. Methodist was Diet Catholic. Presbyterian was Cherry Catholic with NutraSweet, etc. But, I believed, each at their core focused on “Thou Shalt NOT”, intolerance, and judgment. It wasn’t until I met and spoke to several Episcopalians that I realized that there are versions of Christianity that really focus more on just making good, moral decisions, and leading a good life. Gee… who knew? 

 

Ultimately, Christianity as a practice or a form of worship can be summed up collectively in my silly little world as “ice cream”. Now personally, I’m more of an apple-pie kinda guy myself, but bear with me for this bizarre analogy. There are many, many different flavors of ice cream out there to give you your fix. You can stick with vanilla, or go for something more exotic. You may want to try Pentecostal Pistachio (full of nuts!), or Episcopalian Tutti-Frutti (obvious, given the latest move in the Episcopalian community). There’s marshmallow Methodist (very airy and extremely fluffy), and Non-Denomenational Heavenly Hash. And to add even more interest, you may want to have that in a waffle-cone, or add sprinkles of other things on top. Ultimately, there are many, many ways of getting your Christian fix. So what I will never understand is why my friend who craves so much more than just vanilla chooses to stick with just that. 

 

Life is too short to suffer-in-silence. One should find a way to enjoy his or her “Sundae” worship!

People advice

Hi guys, I need some advice.

 

A little while ago, I posted about a former friend who contacted me after a long time, wanting to reestablish ties. At a time, we were close. But we had a falling out because of an accumulation of year’s worth of her self-centered behavior. I had had enough abuse, and was unwilling to put up with it any more. We fell out of touch. But then, recently she contacted me.

 

I told her (politely) that I really didn’t wish to rehash the past. Then, she responded rather unexpectedly, with a very wise point. She said that in any situation, there are three versions – what I think happened, what YOU think happened, and what REALLY happened. As such, she would accept 50% of the blame for what happened, and move on. 

 

When I first read that, I thought to myself, “Wow. That is very mature. That is a very good point. OK, I’m good with that.” But then, I sat on it for a couple more days and realized that it wasn’t good enough.

 

When I came to California, I promised myself that I would make a few changes in my life. I promised that I would leave mental baggage behind (which for the most part, I did). I promised that I would be more assertive in defending myself (which for the most part, I am). And I promised that I would no longer allow other people to take advantage of me, or use me as their whipping boy (which has not happened since). So when I thought about this situation and her willingness to only accept 50% of the responsibility, it made me angry. Ultimately, our falling out happened because of her self-centered behavior – 100%. Nothing I did made her behavior better or worse. She exhibited this behavior with me. She exhibited it with other people. Everything was all about her and how things affected her without any regard for anybody else. Enough was enough.

 

I don’t want to make her feel bad, and do not wish her ill-will in any way. But I believe the time for me to be charitable is long past, and that to accept even partial responsibility for her bad behavior is just unacceptable.

 

Am I being too harsh?