THIEF!

In our front yard, I planted an apple tree last year.  It is not just a regular apple tree, but a pearmain apple.  This is special because it is the oldest variety that exists, dating to Anglo-Saxon times.  History geek that I am, I take great pride in caring for a nurturing such a tree in the hopes of harvesting the fruit to be able to cook with it and create as authentic-as-possible a dish.  I also held out hopes for one moment of joy - being able to present a good friend of mine who studies that period one of my apples so I could watch her experience a moment that she would not otherwise be able to experience - being able to taste a food that her persona could have tasted.

Coming home for lunch today, I discovered that somebody had stolen the fruit!  One cannot just reach over the fence.  Somebody had to have opened the gate, and WALKED INTO YOUR FRONT YARD to have stolen it!

To the nameless, faceless, selfish, FUKTARD who did so - I don't care what your hardship.  I don't care what your cultural background.  I don't care what the circumstances.  You trespassed.  You STOLE!  With every upset fiber of my witchy being, I wish you the same sort of upset, threefold!  I hope somebody takes something precious from you!  You had no right to do this.  NONE!  You have deprived me of a joy that I deserved to have, having put in the work, the research, and the nurturement.  You have no idea how much you have upset and hurt me, and I hope you suffer for it, asshole!

Weekend of Suck

Despite starting off well on Friday, this weekend quickly plummeted into the suck.

 

Saturday was supposed to be a fun day. Looking at the agenda, Saturday involved a morning of gardening and other domestic projects, followed by an afternoon pool party and an evening cocktail party/wedding reception. What a wonderful way to spend a loverly sunny September Saturday afternoon! But then we got the phonecall.

 

There was no question in our minds - we needed to go. So hopping in the truck, we looked up directions to the hospital on the drive north. Arriving in Antelope Valley, we saw many familiar faces in the waiting room. Normally, a crazy, fun, and wild group, there was no hiding the somber look of worry on everyone’s face. Each and every one of them pulled forth a sense of mature bravery, summoned up from somewhere deep within. One of our own was down, and needed every single good thought and prayer that we had. As much as I want to go into detail, I do not feel that this is my news to share. There is already enough misinformation out there, and I am not going to contribute to it. Suffice it to say that Saturday was a very intense, scary, and emotionally exhaustive day for us all.

 

At the time of this writing, the situation seems to have improved. That is the good news. But the battle is far from over. Please people – think happy thoughts. This year has truly been made of suck in so many, many ways with so many friends and family facing scary health issues.

 

As for you, my dear friend, please, please, please, please, please, please get through this!

Please get better, soon! PLEASE!

 

One apple

Of what was to be a harvest of seven of my baby dwarf apple tree, I found one left.  I don't know if the fuktard was showing me mercy, or simply just didn't notice the one single apple hidden behind a clump of leaves.

One apple.  That is what I have to show for love, hope, devotion, nurturing, and a dream of learning about a time and a culture from over 1,000 years ago.  One apple.

I would have liked to have left the apple on the tree for another couple of weeks to fully ripen in the sun and to fully develop.  But obviously, I cannot trust my neighborhood.  I will have to just let it sit for a couple of days and hope to take advantage of it later.

Given all of the shit that has been happening lately to friends all over the place, I find it hard to believe that an apple theft would be upsetting me so very much right now.  But for some reason, it is.  As I type this, I am crying my eyes out.  I just can't believe that somebody would be so selfish and so mean. 

One apple.  That is all I have.

I guess I should try and look at the bright side.  I will get to know what it tastes like.  I will get to know that experience.  I will have some way of learning what I wanted to learn - although the moment will be brief.

One apple. 

Of all of the bad shit that has been happening, there are bright sides.  As bad as things have gotten, things could have been worse.  Biopsies could have delivered the worst possible news.  Test results could have resulted in dire consequences.  Hard options could have been replaced by no options.  Fearing the worst could have been replaced by learning that the worst has come to fruition.

I could have been left with NO apples.

I feel crushed.  Utterly crushed, utterly drained, utterly without strength or energy for any more bad news or any more shit to happen, and I'm trying my absolute damnedest to try and find the silver lining.  I know that when life hands you lemons, you should make lemonade.  But damnit, it is really hard to even make a pitcher of lemonade when somebody steals all but one of your lemons.

I need a hug.  I think we ALL need hugs right now.

One apple.

Of what was to be a harvest of several apples off of my baby dwarf apple tree, I found one left.  I don't know if the fuktard was showing me a simple mercy, or simply just didn't notice the one single apple hidden behind a clump of leaves close to the ground. I knew it was there. Of course I had known it was there. I had been watching each apple develop, day by day, since I planted it last winter, looking forward to the day that I could harvest the fruit.

One apple – the smallest of the lot and the least ripe.  That is what I have to show for all the love, hope, devotion, nurturing, and a dream that I had had of learning about a time and a culture from over 1,000 years ago.  One apple.

I would have liked to have left the apple on the tree for another couple of weeks to fully ripen in the sun and to fully develop.  But obviously, I cannot trust my neighborhood.  I will have to just let it sit for a couple of days on the kitchen counter, and hope to take advantage of it later.

Given all of the shit that has been happening lately to friends all over the place, I find it hard to believe that an apple theft would be upsetting me so very much right now.  But for some reason, it is.  It just feels like the final blow to what has been a series of bad months of bad news on top of more bad news in a proverbial Dagwood Sandwich of bad news.

One apple.  That is all I have left. I just can't believe that somebody would be so selfish and so mean! I guess I should try and look at the bright side, but my energy and ability to keep trying desperately to find a bright side is just about exhausted.  But ok, here goes.

 

- I will get to know what the apple tastes like.  

- I will get to have that historical experience. 

- I will have some way of learning what I wanted to learn, despite how brief a moment it will be.

- The tree is alive and well, and blossoms are already beginning to form for next time.

Deep sigh. One apple. 

Of all of the bad shit that has been happening, there are bright sides.  As bad as things have gotten around me, things could have been worse.  Biopsies could have delivered the worst possible news to some.  Test results could have resulted in dire consequences to others.  Hard options could have been replaced by no options.  Fearing the worst could have been replaced by realizing and being confronted by the worst. Painful operations could have been replaced with “inoperable. There is nothing we can do.” Wishing there had been more time could have been replaced by no time at all. Few options could have been replaced with no options. And in my own universe, I have to remind myself – the fuktard could have taken them all. I could have been left with absolutely NO apples.

 

I am trying to focus in on that bright side. I am trying very hard to not wallow in misery, but the number of completely unrelated bits of bad news one on top of another on top of another have just been overwhelming. No, the vast majority are not happening to me, and I realize that. But as I watch dear friends suffer, one by one, and I stand there helpless, it just feels like a multitude of faucets have been opened up on my emotional and energy tanks, and I become weaker as they drain out.

 

I Just Can’t Take Any More Bad News. I just…. I just can’t. Please, gods. PLEASE no more bad! PLEASE!!! I know that when life hands you lemons, you should make lemonade.  But damnit, it is really hard to even make a pitcher of lemonade when somebody steals all but one of your lemons.

I need a hug.  I think we ALL need hugs right now.

 

I’m not sure what I will be doing with the one apple that I have, but it will need to be something special. I thank the gods for letting the species survive, and I thank whatever powers that be who made it so that I would at least have one. It is a precious gift, and one that I am gonna try my absolute best to enjoy.