Reflections of Fall

Here we are on the verge of Mabon, the Autumnal equinox – that September date in which the daytime hours equal night – a time of balance. Or in direct Pagan-speak, it is the time to work on getting one’s own $hit together. For me, the date is also a little extra special – it is my father’s birthday.

 

My dad and I really never saw eye to eye. We were very different people, raised in different worlds, with completely different sets of priorities, likes, interests, tastes, etc. In looking back, it is hard to believe that he has been gone for nearly 20 years. I have to wonder – if he were around today, how would we be? Would we speak much? If so, what about? A question for the scholars, I guess. This is one of many areas in my life where the “what ifs” far outweigh the definite answers. With the scales tipped so heavily in one direction, I am lacking balance.

 

Then there is the question of where I am currently in my life. Hobby and time wise, I have been pulling back lately – just a little. Why? Not for lack of interest. Just out of burn-out recovery. Last year and into this year, I burned the candle at both ends and in the middle. Sometimes, I frayed myself so much as to make myself sick. My playtime became work, and that ain’t good. So since that time, I have been working hard on… you guessed it… balance.

 

Balance, I always thought, meant equal amounts of positive and negative; good and bad; better and sweet. Thus, if one wanted to avoid the bad, one needed to avoid some good. As I have grown older, I have come to learn that this isn’t necessarily the case – life is far more complicated than this. Sometimes the good parts can indeed outweigh the bad, while still leaving you feeling balanced. How does the cosmic scale account for such things? I don’t really know.

 

Balance is not a matter of accounting. It is less about equal weight on both plates of the scale, but about an internal feeling of peace. Does balance mean crossing off all of the tasks on the To Do list? Maybe. But perhaps the true feeling of balance doesn’t involve completing the list, but achieving a sense of accomplishment, regardless of how far one got. Does balance mean eating a virtuous meal to make up for the really fattening one the night before? Maybe. But perhaps it involves exercising to make up the difference? A stressful day of crazy tasks. Does it call for a full day off to recoup, or perhaps a tranquil bath, soft music, and candles?

 

Balance. A complicated formula for serenity. How do you achieve balance?