Checking in

 

I have to admit that I’ve been rather lax as of late in updating my journal. I would site the fact that I’ve just been really busy – but what else is new? Ultimately, I think the fact is that I’ve been very emotionally overwhelmed and exhausted. December into January was not the most pleasant point in my life. It really tested my inner-strength and ability to cope.

 

On the workfront, I received a promotion – but was doing my old job in addition to my new job while waiting for a new person to start. Just as we got up to full staff, my boss went on vacation leaving me to do my new job and his job. I’m up for the challenge… but it is stress.

 

Then there’s the mother. Fortunately, my oldest sister happened to be visiting her in Florida when for no reason at all, she began having trouble breathing. So I got a call from my sister from the hospital where we eventually learned that my mom had a heart attack and was going in for surgery. All turned out well (this time around), but still … it is Stress.

 

Then there’s the hubby. I’m sure you all know by now about the back issues, and the surgery. My beloved hubby is making a truly wonderful recovery and is getting around very well given all the new hardware in his back. But the majority of December was just Not Pleasant. He was incapacitated with pain, and rendered effectively out of commission. I feel like a positively horrible, terrible, unworthy, cold sub-human being for admitting this, but there were some days when I just found myself in the midst of a terrible pity-party because suddenly all of the chores, and all of the tasks and all of the “to do’s” fell on my shoulders when I was already feeling so overburdened with everything else. Rationally, I knew at the time that there was not a freaken thing that my husband was physically capable of doing, being limited by such pain. But rationality had nothing to do with it when I found myself fighting back tears just from the utter sense of “No! Not another thing. Please gods, not one more thing! I just can’t take it!” I think that was the point where I finally just gave in, and asked for help. And naturally, help came through, for which I am extremely grateful! It really is not easy for me to ask for help. I really can’t tell you why, but I have such insecurities about relying upon other people.

 

And thus, we come to the end of January. On the work front, things have calmed down as I have learned to get used to the various tasks at hand. On the family front, my mom seems to be doing nicely. Of course, it never ends. My youngest sister just went through an extreme surgery which also has me worried. But I have lit candles and hoped for a healthy recovery and a relief from pain. And of course my hubby is now maneuvering rather well and working on his recovery. So it seems like the storm has passed (thankfully), and I can now take an opportunity to just… breathe.

 

Thank you to everybody who came through, made a casserole, stopped by, checked in on me and my hubby. I don’t like admitting it, but it would be wrong if I didn’t – I couldn’t have gotten through it all without you!