Agreeing to Disagree

 

OH MY GOD! YOU DON’T LIKE MY IDEA! That means you are closed-minded and pig-headed and horrible and evil and mean and uncaring and untrustworthy and stupid and incompetent and unprofessional and… and… and lots of other nasty adjectives… huff, puff, huff, puff, GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAASP!

Sadly, this is one of my life stories – or at least one of the most common negative themes that I have run into. And it isn’t something that happens in just one aspect of my life. I ran into this when I was in school. I have run into this in the SCA, in my professional life throughout different jobs, and in various social groups.

Now here’s the thing. While I might not necessarily seek out the company of just anyone, I generally CAN get along with almost everybody. And part of that getting-along involves agreeing to disagree. And for me, it really is as simple as that. You thought that the new movie that opened last week was an action-packed thrill-ride. I thought it was a snoozer. Ya know what? We disagree. So what? I can live with that, and it doesn’t bother me. It isn’t my job to force you to change your mind, nor is it yours to change mine. If I didn’t like it, I didn’t like it. But does this disagreement mean that I have bad taste or didn’t pick up on the subtle milieu or evanescent qualities of the plot? Um… no.

Not only is much of life a very subjective experience, but life is about picking battles. It took me many years to learn that. In this pleasantly mellow decade known as my 40’s, I have learned that my single most valuable commodity is time. Frankly, a disagreement with someone is rarely worth the investment of time or energy in being aggravated. And when I see or experience the huff and puff of somebody who is all worked up over a disagreement, it really does make me roll my eyes in a subconscious expression that means no more and no less than, “Really?! This is the hill that you want to die on? Seriously?! This right here is where you are choosing to draw the line in the sand?! Sigh.”

Now, please don’t get me wrong. I am not belittling or brushing off the other party’s concerns. I just don’t like being drawn into a fight or an argument. Why? Because most of the time, it just really isn’t a big deal to me. If the disagreement is a big deal to the other person, it is just that - on the other person. And I am not obligated to get into a big spat just because the other person has worked himself or herself up into a total tizzy. Life is too short to sweat the petty stuff. So my advice to the masses – take a step back. Breathe. Chill out. Is this issue really worth your losing sleep? Is it worth the ulcer? Do you really want to toss out a friendship or trust over this?

Is it really a big deal?

Along the lines of “can’t we just all get along?” I have a slight variation. When we disagree about something – and it is bound to happen at some point - can’t we simply agree to disagree?