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Don't yell at me!
Jul. 15th, 2013 12:24 pmWhile wiping away the sweat from my brown on the cardio machines the other day, my heart began pumping a mile a minute – sure I was racing along on an elliptical. But it was more that, as I found myself once again sucked in to the drama that is Food Network. In this case, I was watching a competition show whereby cooks are eliminated challenge after challenge, and by the end, one of them will be hired to be an Executive Chef at a high-end restaurant. After a variety of challenges, the final two end up each having a night as the executive chef for a busy night of service – dealing with all the crises, mistakes, and high-pressure situations that happen in a restaurant. And it was that very thing that gave me flashbacks that made me feel physically ill.
Growing up in a restaurant family, I will attest to the fact that people who work in restaurants are just cray-cray. Seriously, I think it is something in the wiring. The high-pressure and high-stress can either make you or break you. I find that people who really thrive in that type of environment are just… different. In a way, it is like roller-coasters. You either love that terror-sensation in your stomach, or you don’t. And for me, I don’t.
One of my earliest memories working in the family restaurant was of my father screaming at me. He was teaching me how to prepare a pizza – a very basic task. And as I slowly, by hand, began to put it the pizza in the oven, I began to burn my hands – so I threw the pizza forward. He screamed because some of the toppings came off. Now, as a rational adult, I totally understand why he screamed at me – and I also know that that is just something that very, very typically happens in professional restaurant kitchens. But still, it just freaked me out! To me, in my mind, I didn’t do anything wrong. Hell, my hands were burning – what else was I supposed to do?
In modern work situations, I have on rare occasions found myself in a situation where some other manager or boss or co-worker decides to lose his or her temper and yell at me. And I don’t react well. In my mind, yelling is very situational. If you are trapped under a car and needing help, you yell. If someone is causing you pain, you yell. If someone is about to be physically injured, you yell. But if there is a mistake on routine business paperwork – why yell?
I think that we should consider how people are made. I think it is reasonable to point out that, for as much as we know about people and bodies, there is a lot that we still don’t understand. Sure, in general, all people should have one heart, two lungs, a liver, a head, two eyes, etc. And for the most part, that is the case. But there are other things that are different about people – not all of us are tall. Not all of us tend to be skinny. Not all of us run fast. And I think when it comes to emotions, not all of us are wired to react the same – contrary to what some people believe. I think that one person can be wired in such a way that yelling at them doesn’t phase them at all – ever. Others, the feeling is much more intense and can truly cause a bad reaction. Does this mean that the latter person should “toughen up” or “get a thicker skin”? To me, that is no different than telling someone who is 4’8” tall to just jump higher or get bigger – it just don’t work that way.
Personally speaking, I pick up on emotion a lot – maybe too much. If someone yells at me, it sticks with me. I really DO lose sleep over it. It really DOES shake me up. And no matter how I handle the situation, whether well or not, it physically makes me want to hurl. I’d love it if that weren’t the case, but it is. So for me, that means I have to make some choices in life. I don’t work in restaurants, and never will! The culture is not bad, per se. But it is bad for me and the way that I am wired. I don’t ever want to be in a job such as working at a stock-exchange. That whole chaotic move, run, yell, scream environment freaks me out just watching it on television. I just don’t get how people do that. Truly, I don’t.
Are all people wired the same emotionally? Do we simply learn to either brush it off or not?
These are the things I wonder about… when I’m tossing and turning at 3:00am trying to get over that nasty conversation where some goofball decided to lose his or her temper and I unfortunately happened to be the recipient.
Growing up in a restaurant family, I will attest to the fact that people who work in restaurants are just cray-cray. Seriously, I think it is something in the wiring. The high-pressure and high-stress can either make you or break you. I find that people who really thrive in that type of environment are just… different. In a way, it is like roller-coasters. You either love that terror-sensation in your stomach, or you don’t. And for me, I don’t.
One of my earliest memories working in the family restaurant was of my father screaming at me. He was teaching me how to prepare a pizza – a very basic task. And as I slowly, by hand, began to put it the pizza in the oven, I began to burn my hands – so I threw the pizza forward. He screamed because some of the toppings came off. Now, as a rational adult, I totally understand why he screamed at me – and I also know that that is just something that very, very typically happens in professional restaurant kitchens. But still, it just freaked me out! To me, in my mind, I didn’t do anything wrong. Hell, my hands were burning – what else was I supposed to do?
In modern work situations, I have on rare occasions found myself in a situation where some other manager or boss or co-worker decides to lose his or her temper and yell at me. And I don’t react well. In my mind, yelling is very situational. If you are trapped under a car and needing help, you yell. If someone is causing you pain, you yell. If someone is about to be physically injured, you yell. But if there is a mistake on routine business paperwork – why yell?
I think that we should consider how people are made. I think it is reasonable to point out that, for as much as we know about people and bodies, there is a lot that we still don’t understand. Sure, in general, all people should have one heart, two lungs, a liver, a head, two eyes, etc. And for the most part, that is the case. But there are other things that are different about people – not all of us are tall. Not all of us tend to be skinny. Not all of us run fast. And I think when it comes to emotions, not all of us are wired to react the same – contrary to what some people believe. I think that one person can be wired in such a way that yelling at them doesn’t phase them at all – ever. Others, the feeling is much more intense and can truly cause a bad reaction. Does this mean that the latter person should “toughen up” or “get a thicker skin”? To me, that is no different than telling someone who is 4’8” tall to just jump higher or get bigger – it just don’t work that way.
Personally speaking, I pick up on emotion a lot – maybe too much. If someone yells at me, it sticks with me. I really DO lose sleep over it. It really DOES shake me up. And no matter how I handle the situation, whether well or not, it physically makes me want to hurl. I’d love it if that weren’t the case, but it is. So for me, that means I have to make some choices in life. I don’t work in restaurants, and never will! The culture is not bad, per se. But it is bad for me and the way that I am wired. I don’t ever want to be in a job such as working at a stock-exchange. That whole chaotic move, run, yell, scream environment freaks me out just watching it on television. I just don’t get how people do that. Truly, I don’t.
Are all people wired the same emotionally? Do we simply learn to either brush it off or not?
These are the things I wonder about… when I’m tossing and turning at 3:00am trying to get over that nasty conversation where some goofball decided to lose his or her temper and I unfortunately happened to be the recipient.
