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The Magic of a Gathering
Sep. 5th, 2013 05:15 pmSo yesterday I posted a bit about some of my Pagan past. In keeping with that spirit, I’d like to share a little bit about one of my fonder memories.
I was a crispy critter. No question about it! I was just tired!
…Tired from being the default guy that did the work;
…Tired of coming under fire from people who were quick to criticize but unwilling to try to fix things;
…Tired of trying to please everybody;
…Tired of taking pot-shots from consistently-negative-jerks who didn’t like the way I wrote a ritual or performed in a particular role;
…Tired of in-fighting, and witch-wars, and he-saids/she-saids.
For a while, my spirituality had far less to do with being spiritual, and more with being a very crispy mediator. And then finally one day, I just got pushed way too far, and it really felt like something went “SNAP!!!!!!” So I withdrew. I withdrew from public ritual. I withdrew from my involvement in the community. I withdrew from talking to several people, or taking sides, or getting involved in any of the utter crap. I was sick of being the whipping-boy. I was sick of feeling so very unappreciated. If detractors thought they could do things so much better, let them try! (Yes, things ended up imploding not long after I left. In fact, I saw a series of implosions repeat themselves a few times, but I digress…)
At one point following my break from the community, I learned that there was going to be a big weekend camp-out gathering. Structured less by the local community, and more by people who just enjoyed doing weekend pagan retreats, the event sounded like it would be fun. Sure, I would have to see a few people that I had previously told to go jump in a lake. But I missed being part of a larger pagan community, and I invited the opportunity to take some workshops, relax, and just be part of a community without having the pressure of having to run anything.
As I wandered around, I saw a lot of different faces. People had travelled from all over the place to attend this particular gathering. And I gotta say, I found that in and of itself refreshing – different people, different experiences, different perspectives. Don’t get me wrong – there were a few Moonbeam-Granola-Raven-Star-gypsy-wolves whose over-the-top behavior told me that they must have had really very small… spirit-guides (ehem). But for the most part, I liked the people that I met. As for familiar faces, it was really nice to have no drama. People that I hadn’t seen in about a year greeted me with smiles and open-arms – legitimately GLAD to see me after my hiatus. I didn’t expect that, and it was a pleasant surprise.
One evening in particular, I remember the sun had set, and I hovered somewhat near a fire. Alone in the darkness, I found myself just entranced by the fire, and the energy around me. And as I closed my eyes, I asked the powers-that-be for some new inspiration to come along. And it was then that I heard some people singing in a candle-lit pavilion not far away. I was familiar with several pagan chants, but never considered myself to be much of a singer. But there was something rather unique about the sounds coming from the pavilion – They Were GOOD!
As I walked by, I noticed the front flap of the tent was open, and a group of people that I didn’t know were just finishing up a chant. As they finished, they noticed me standing near, and they invited me to join them. I felt a little nervous, actually. I didn’t know them. And singing just really wasn’t my thing. But something told me to do it – and embrace it. Fast forward about an hour, and I was surrounded by the collection, singing my heart out! We harmonized. We resonated. We built energy. We had people wandering by just stop, sit and listen – entranced by our spontaneous concert of simple tunes and chants designed to honor the gods and goddesses of old. There was no pressure. There was no distinct purpose. We were just a group of random pagans who just happened to have come together at that one point in time to enjoy each other’s company, and take time to enjoy life and express appreciation to the powers-that-be for bringing us together.
And for that moment… that brief, shining, magical moment… all was well in the world.
I was a crispy critter. No question about it! I was just tired!
…Tired from being the default guy that did the work;
…Tired of coming under fire from people who were quick to criticize but unwilling to try to fix things;
…Tired of trying to please everybody;
…Tired of taking pot-shots from consistently-negative-jerks who didn’t like the way I wrote a ritual or performed in a particular role;
…Tired of in-fighting, and witch-wars, and he-saids/she-saids.
For a while, my spirituality had far less to do with being spiritual, and more with being a very crispy mediator. And then finally one day, I just got pushed way too far, and it really felt like something went “SNAP!!!!!!” So I withdrew. I withdrew from public ritual. I withdrew from my involvement in the community. I withdrew from talking to several people, or taking sides, or getting involved in any of the utter crap. I was sick of being the whipping-boy. I was sick of feeling so very unappreciated. If detractors thought they could do things so much better, let them try! (Yes, things ended up imploding not long after I left. In fact, I saw a series of implosions repeat themselves a few times, but I digress…)
At one point following my break from the community, I learned that there was going to be a big weekend camp-out gathering. Structured less by the local community, and more by people who just enjoyed doing weekend pagan retreats, the event sounded like it would be fun. Sure, I would have to see a few people that I had previously told to go jump in a lake. But I missed being part of a larger pagan community, and I invited the opportunity to take some workshops, relax, and just be part of a community without having the pressure of having to run anything.
As I wandered around, I saw a lot of different faces. People had travelled from all over the place to attend this particular gathering. And I gotta say, I found that in and of itself refreshing – different people, different experiences, different perspectives. Don’t get me wrong – there were a few Moonbeam-Granola-Raven-Star-gypsy-wolves whose over-the-top behavior told me that they must have had really very small… spirit-guides (ehem). But for the most part, I liked the people that I met. As for familiar faces, it was really nice to have no drama. People that I hadn’t seen in about a year greeted me with smiles and open-arms – legitimately GLAD to see me after my hiatus. I didn’t expect that, and it was a pleasant surprise.
One evening in particular, I remember the sun had set, and I hovered somewhat near a fire. Alone in the darkness, I found myself just entranced by the fire, and the energy around me. And as I closed my eyes, I asked the powers-that-be for some new inspiration to come along. And it was then that I heard some people singing in a candle-lit pavilion not far away. I was familiar with several pagan chants, but never considered myself to be much of a singer. But there was something rather unique about the sounds coming from the pavilion – They Were GOOD!
As I walked by, I noticed the front flap of the tent was open, and a group of people that I didn’t know were just finishing up a chant. As they finished, they noticed me standing near, and they invited me to join them. I felt a little nervous, actually. I didn’t know them. And singing just really wasn’t my thing. But something told me to do it – and embrace it. Fast forward about an hour, and I was surrounded by the collection, singing my heart out! We harmonized. We resonated. We built energy. We had people wandering by just stop, sit and listen – entranced by our spontaneous concert of simple tunes and chants designed to honor the gods and goddesses of old. There was no pressure. There was no distinct purpose. We were just a group of random pagans who just happened to have come together at that one point in time to enjoy each other’s company, and take time to enjoy life and express appreciation to the powers-that-be for bringing us together.
And for that moment… that brief, shining, magical moment… all was well in the world.
