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People fascinate me. Truly.
As time goes by and you find yourself in a social situation with a bunch of people, you will probably begin to notice various patterns of behavior develop over time along with certain personality traits. Take any random grouping – your co-workers, your family, your garden club, your church-group, and you will most likely be able to observe certain personality types that really resonate as predominately one or another stereotype. Lots of personality stereotypes are perfectly fine. But there are, of course, a few that in my own experience I have really learned to identify and to try and avoid like the plague. Why? Well, lots of reasons, really. Some just demand too much of my time and energy. Others I just find so unpleasant, I don’t want to be around them. And yet others, I find absolutely intolerable – no matter what the circumstance. I’ve discussed some of these in the past, but I’ve noticed a few more in recent years.
Take “Smart Guy” for instance. Smart-Guy may very well seem, at first, to be nice enough. And he may even come across as intelligent. But pay close attention. Do the words, “I don’t know” or “I’m not really sure” ever cross his lips, or does he just always seem to have an answer for everything? The sad fact of the matter is that one of the most intelligent answers that one can ever provide is, “I don’t know, but let me look into that and get back to you.” Smart Guy doesn’t do that. Why? Because Smart Guy is more concerned about “being right” than being correct. Whether or not he has the right answer, he seems to have this overwhelming need to appear like he knows the answer. So what happens when he is corrected? The excuses come flooding out. Don’t expect him to say, “Whoops. I goofed” or anything like that. If anything, you may get further bamboozling to explain why technically he wasn’t wrong because under particular situations in particular places such-n-such conditions, etc., etc., etc. The problem with Smart Guy? You can’t believe him. Maybe he really IS giving you the correct answer this time. But honestly, how would you know when he always claims to know the right answer?
Then we have “Fame Guy”. Fame Guy is perfectly fine. You may find that you are really good friends for a while… at least up until you have the audacity of doing better than he does at something. Let’s say that you win a contest, or receive a compliment, or gain a promotion. Most of the people around you are going to be happy as a clam for you. Not Fame Guy. Fame Guy is so insecure that he views the spotlight that is cast upon you as a personal attack – as if you stole his spotlight. Suddenly, overnight, Fame Guy may go from being your bestest buddy to your most avid competitor. The next day, you will notice competitive behavior, despite thinking to yourself, “WTF? I don’t remember entering a competition.” But it doesn’t matter. Fame Guy doesn’t mind you doing OK at whatever you do – just as long as he perceives himself doing better, getting more attention, receiving more accolades, etc. Eventually you’ll begin to notice something. No matter what you do, he makes a point to try and do more. If you have a funny story, he then tries to emphasize that he has a funnier story. If you had something crazy happen to you one day – that’s nothing – just wait until you hear the crazy thing that happened to HIM! Have a major work victory? Oh no – that’s NOTHING compared to what he had happen. The problem with Fame Guy – he isn’t your friend. He really isn’t interested in your happiness – only his own. It isn’t a bad thing if you are happy, as long as he is happier or more content. And if he finds you celebrating some sort of victory or joyful occasion, and he has nothing to celebrate at that particular time, don’t be surprised if he make a point to rain on your parade.
Then we have the “Yes Man”. Again, this guy may come across at first perfectly fine. He’s always pleasant. And he never argues. Then again, why doesn’t he argue? Because he agrees all the time – with you, with your neighbor, with the person down the street, etc. Over a period of time, you’ll probably begin to notice something – Yes Man doesn’t seem to have an original thought in his head. Just about everything he says involves what someone else thinks, and how he agrees with them. It can be a movie that he and his wife went to see. His wife liked it… and he does too. He went to a meeting and somebody made a really good point… and he agrees with that point. He goes through life waiting for others to navigate the mine field, and then just stepping in the same footsteps. Is this a safe way to go through life? Well, of course. But at the same time, does this sort of a personality offer an substance? Heck, you can ask him just about any question and you won’t really get his true opinion. Why? Because he doesn’t seem to have one of his own. If that’s what you are looking for in a friend, you may as well just get a parrot.
Now, please don’t get me wrong. I know that some of these traits may sound somewhat familiar. You may know people who do these things from time to time. You yourself may do these things from time to time. Or heck, you may even believe I do them time to time (though I’m hoping not!) I’m not talking about time-to-time – I’m talking people who show one of these traits as a predominate trait of their personality. To me, that’s a problem. And personally, I just don’t have the time, the energy, or the desire to associate with people who fit strongly into these categories.
Life is too short to put up with faux-friends.
As time goes by and you find yourself in a social situation with a bunch of people, you will probably begin to notice various patterns of behavior develop over time along with certain personality traits. Take any random grouping – your co-workers, your family, your garden club, your church-group, and you will most likely be able to observe certain personality types that really resonate as predominately one or another stereotype. Lots of personality stereotypes are perfectly fine. But there are, of course, a few that in my own experience I have really learned to identify and to try and avoid like the plague. Why? Well, lots of reasons, really. Some just demand too much of my time and energy. Others I just find so unpleasant, I don’t want to be around them. And yet others, I find absolutely intolerable – no matter what the circumstance. I’ve discussed some of these in the past, but I’ve noticed a few more in recent years.
Take “Smart Guy” for instance. Smart-Guy may very well seem, at first, to be nice enough. And he may even come across as intelligent. But pay close attention. Do the words, “I don’t know” or “I’m not really sure” ever cross his lips, or does he just always seem to have an answer for everything? The sad fact of the matter is that one of the most intelligent answers that one can ever provide is, “I don’t know, but let me look into that and get back to you.” Smart Guy doesn’t do that. Why? Because Smart Guy is more concerned about “being right” than being correct. Whether or not he has the right answer, he seems to have this overwhelming need to appear like he knows the answer. So what happens when he is corrected? The excuses come flooding out. Don’t expect him to say, “Whoops. I goofed” or anything like that. If anything, you may get further bamboozling to explain why technically he wasn’t wrong because under particular situations in particular places such-n-such conditions, etc., etc., etc. The problem with Smart Guy? You can’t believe him. Maybe he really IS giving you the correct answer this time. But honestly, how would you know when he always claims to know the right answer?
Then we have “Fame Guy”. Fame Guy is perfectly fine. You may find that you are really good friends for a while… at least up until you have the audacity of doing better than he does at something. Let’s say that you win a contest, or receive a compliment, or gain a promotion. Most of the people around you are going to be happy as a clam for you. Not Fame Guy. Fame Guy is so insecure that he views the spotlight that is cast upon you as a personal attack – as if you stole his spotlight. Suddenly, overnight, Fame Guy may go from being your bestest buddy to your most avid competitor. The next day, you will notice competitive behavior, despite thinking to yourself, “WTF? I don’t remember entering a competition.” But it doesn’t matter. Fame Guy doesn’t mind you doing OK at whatever you do – just as long as he perceives himself doing better, getting more attention, receiving more accolades, etc. Eventually you’ll begin to notice something. No matter what you do, he makes a point to try and do more. If you have a funny story, he then tries to emphasize that he has a funnier story. If you had something crazy happen to you one day – that’s nothing – just wait until you hear the crazy thing that happened to HIM! Have a major work victory? Oh no – that’s NOTHING compared to what he had happen. The problem with Fame Guy – he isn’t your friend. He really isn’t interested in your happiness – only his own. It isn’t a bad thing if you are happy, as long as he is happier or more content. And if he finds you celebrating some sort of victory or joyful occasion, and he has nothing to celebrate at that particular time, don’t be surprised if he make a point to rain on your parade.
Then we have the “Yes Man”. Again, this guy may come across at first perfectly fine. He’s always pleasant. And he never argues. Then again, why doesn’t he argue? Because he agrees all the time – with you, with your neighbor, with the person down the street, etc. Over a period of time, you’ll probably begin to notice something – Yes Man doesn’t seem to have an original thought in his head. Just about everything he says involves what someone else thinks, and how he agrees with them. It can be a movie that he and his wife went to see. His wife liked it… and he does too. He went to a meeting and somebody made a really good point… and he agrees with that point. He goes through life waiting for others to navigate the mine field, and then just stepping in the same footsteps. Is this a safe way to go through life? Well, of course. But at the same time, does this sort of a personality offer an substance? Heck, you can ask him just about any question and you won’t really get his true opinion. Why? Because he doesn’t seem to have one of his own. If that’s what you are looking for in a friend, you may as well just get a parrot.
Now, please don’t get me wrong. I know that some of these traits may sound somewhat familiar. You may know people who do these things from time to time. You yourself may do these things from time to time. Or heck, you may even believe I do them time to time (though I’m hoping not!) I’m not talking about time-to-time – I’m talking people who show one of these traits as a predominate trait of their personality. To me, that’s a problem. And personally, I just don’t have the time, the energy, or the desire to associate with people who fit strongly into these categories.
Life is too short to put up with faux-friends.
