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Reflections on a year gone by
Nov. 1st, 2013 03:42 amHappy New Year everybody! By the old seasonal calendar, October 31st marks the traditional final end of the harvest. Celebrated through a variety of traditions that morphed into today’s Halloween, the old holiday was less about being scary with all the focus being on candy, ghouls and ghosts; and more about taking time to contemplate and reflect upon the season, life, and change.
For me this year, I really need to take a moment to reflect upon my health and how very, VERY grateful I am to be in good health. A year ago, almost exactly, I began to feel a bit funny. I felt uncomfortable. And something inside was not feeling right. As the days progressed, things got worse… and worse… and worse. What was once just uncomfortable turned painful. And the pain grew until it started to turn debilitating. I saw the doctor, and we went through a battery of tests. Everything kept coming back negative. All the while, the pain intensified. I did my best to put on a happy face and really tried my best not to let on to people how bad it was. (Despite blogging about my life so much, in face to face situations I tend to be pretty private). But looking back, I remember one thing loud and clear – I was scared. I was really, really scared! Why? Because what I was experiencing HURT! Every day, I experienced searing-white-hot pain. I couldn’t focus. I couldn’t do anything. Even when I wanted to do something, or felt inspired to do something, I just couldn’t. It hurt too much, and I was just so incredibly fatigued and worn down. Even though I have an incredibly loving and supportive husband and fantastic friends, I felt very alone and isolated. The pain was mine and mine alone. And the fear was mine and mine alone. The doctors kept running tests, and the only thing they could do was prescribe narcotic pain-killers – NOT something I particularly wanted. And the worst part? Even the strongest stuff didn’t take away the pain.
Over time, they started calling in specialists. They were leaning towards it being Crohn’s Disease or cancer. And I was beginning to look into how my life would change if I had to have some radical surgery. Would I survive? Of course. But my life would significantly change and it wasn’t something I was mentally prepared for. But then, a brilliant nurse came up with an idea. Maybe… just maybe… what I had was some sort of bacterial thing. Maybe… just maybe… it was something that just wasn’t appearing on any of their tests. Maybe… just maybe… it would respond to a massive blast of antibiotics. Couldn’t hurt, right? So she put me on some heavy duty doses of antibiotics. And within just a couple of days, I began to notice a significant improvement. And with each day, things got a little bit better.
Healing has been slow. But a year later, I would have to say that I am probably about 99% back to normal. Looking back, I am incredibly grateful that whatever I had turned out to not be a permanent chronic condition. I am also incredibly grateful that my nurse decided to think outside of the box. But probably more than anything, I remember just how scared I was. Fear of the unknown is pretty intense. And feeling yourself suddenly constricted and unable to do what you used to do is one helluva wake-up call. I am grateful to my loving and supportive hubby. I am grateful to my loving and supportive friends and family who got me through such a dark period in time. And as we go into this new year, I am hoping to see it as disease and crisis-free – not just for me, but for all of those whom I love.
Happy Samhain one and all!
For me this year, I really need to take a moment to reflect upon my health and how very, VERY grateful I am to be in good health. A year ago, almost exactly, I began to feel a bit funny. I felt uncomfortable. And something inside was not feeling right. As the days progressed, things got worse… and worse… and worse. What was once just uncomfortable turned painful. And the pain grew until it started to turn debilitating. I saw the doctor, and we went through a battery of tests. Everything kept coming back negative. All the while, the pain intensified. I did my best to put on a happy face and really tried my best not to let on to people how bad it was. (Despite blogging about my life so much, in face to face situations I tend to be pretty private). But looking back, I remember one thing loud and clear – I was scared. I was really, really scared! Why? Because what I was experiencing HURT! Every day, I experienced searing-white-hot pain. I couldn’t focus. I couldn’t do anything. Even when I wanted to do something, or felt inspired to do something, I just couldn’t. It hurt too much, and I was just so incredibly fatigued and worn down. Even though I have an incredibly loving and supportive husband and fantastic friends, I felt very alone and isolated. The pain was mine and mine alone. And the fear was mine and mine alone. The doctors kept running tests, and the only thing they could do was prescribe narcotic pain-killers – NOT something I particularly wanted. And the worst part? Even the strongest stuff didn’t take away the pain.
Over time, they started calling in specialists. They were leaning towards it being Crohn’s Disease or cancer. And I was beginning to look into how my life would change if I had to have some radical surgery. Would I survive? Of course. But my life would significantly change and it wasn’t something I was mentally prepared for. But then, a brilliant nurse came up with an idea. Maybe… just maybe… what I had was some sort of bacterial thing. Maybe… just maybe… it was something that just wasn’t appearing on any of their tests. Maybe… just maybe… it would respond to a massive blast of antibiotics. Couldn’t hurt, right? So she put me on some heavy duty doses of antibiotics. And within just a couple of days, I began to notice a significant improvement. And with each day, things got a little bit better.
Healing has been slow. But a year later, I would have to say that I am probably about 99% back to normal. Looking back, I am incredibly grateful that whatever I had turned out to not be a permanent chronic condition. I am also incredibly grateful that my nurse decided to think outside of the box. But probably more than anything, I remember just how scared I was. Fear of the unknown is pretty intense. And feeling yourself suddenly constricted and unable to do what you used to do is one helluva wake-up call. I am grateful to my loving and supportive hubby. I am grateful to my loving and supportive friends and family who got me through such a dark period in time. And as we go into this new year, I am hoping to see it as disease and crisis-free – not just for me, but for all of those whom I love.
Happy Samhain one and all!
