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Oh no you di’int!!!!
Jun. 15th, 2015 01:09 pmOf all of the annoyances in life, one of the biggest that I have ever experienced is getting chewed out for some type of offense. Makes sense, right? Who enjoys getting taken to task? Nobody! I think it is even worse when it is an ugly and nasty chew-out (where the reaction is FAR worse than the initial offense), or done in a public forum. But the absolute WORST for me is when I am beaten up behind the woodshed for something that I didn’t even do.
Let me just lay it out there, gang. Sure, I can be a bit of a mischievous imp. I have a quick and offbeat sense of humor. And I enjoy puns. But honestly, that’s about as negative a person as I am. I’m pretty much just a nice guy. I’m not cruel. I’m not mean. I’m not a bully. I may be impatient at times or critical about poor planning. But I am, also a very loyal friend. And I’m fair. I do NOT go out of my way to lash out at people. Even people that I don’t like are typically spared reaction from me. In my mind, it just takes too much work and negative energy to be mean to people. Rather, I just ignore those that I believe to be jerks. Yet, from time to time, I run across people who take it upon themselves to be judge and jury of my behavior and then also berate me inappropriately. As a for instance, I will never forget the time many years ago when I dealt with a tirade out in the parking lot in front of a Renaissance Fair.
I had not yet joined the SCA. I had discovered the local Ren Fair in Florida, and I just loved it! Every weekend, I went to the fair. I even assembled “renny” clothing for walking around. One Saturday morning, I arrived about two hours or so after the fair had begun. I got out of my car and started walking towards the entrance when I saw another guy in renny clothing walking from the gate towards me at a hurried pace. He was furious with me, which was bizarre since I had no idea who he was. In no time at all, he was in my face, screaming at me for being late and reminding me that the cast had all been told NOT to be late for the opening of the fair. I kept trying to interrupt, but he wouldn’t let me. He was hell-bent on screaming at me loudly and making an example and creating a scene. So I just stood there quietly while he made a fool out of himself. And sure enough, as I looked around, I saw people staring. Right after he finished telling me to hurry up and get my ass to my station, I said to him, “Can I just say one thing? I am not now, nor have I ever been, a cast member. I’m a paying customer.” Wiping the egg off his face, he couldn’t backpedal enough as he tried to apologize. I accepted his apology – I’m not vindictive. But it doesn’t change the fact that for the supposed “offense” that I had caused, I not only received a loud and intimidating scream fest, but had been humiliated in public in front of anybody walking around the parking lot at the time.
Back in college, I really had a hard time with self-esteem. In a nutshell, I really didn’t have any. And I rather desperately just wanted to be liked! If someone was friendly with me, all was good. But if someone didn’t seem to like me for some reason, it just cut me to the core. And any time I suffered abuse at the hands of someone else who treated me poorly, I just kept going back for more, hoping to get the person to change his or her mind and treat me nicely. So if I knew a person who was super prickly that would lash out at me over stupid things, I took it very personally and truly believed I deserved it for doing something wrong. As an example, let’s say that I sat around a table eating with a bunch of classmates. I would take a bit of something that was more bitter than I expected, and I would wrinkle my nose. The person across the table might jump to the wrong conclusion thinking that I was making a face at him, and then chew me out publicly for it. And what would I do? I would apologize to him and then go home thinking that I really needed to make more of a point never to react facially when eating.
Fast forward to today. I am 47 years old, and honestly – I just have no time, patience, or tolerance for that kind of a thing anymore. I like me the way I am, and I have a lot of friends. And when I run into somebody who wants to drop drama-bombs into my life, I just don’t put up with it – not any more. If I really did do something wrong or offensive or rude, I’ll own it. Talk to me like a grown-up and I’ll do my best as a grown-up to fix the problem. But honestly, if you lash out at me like an upset teenager who is experiencing more hormone than logic, you’re probably not going to get anything from me other than a slam of the door in your face.
Your drama – your problem.
Let me just lay it out there, gang. Sure, I can be a bit of a mischievous imp. I have a quick and offbeat sense of humor. And I enjoy puns. But honestly, that’s about as negative a person as I am. I’m pretty much just a nice guy. I’m not cruel. I’m not mean. I’m not a bully. I may be impatient at times or critical about poor planning. But I am, also a very loyal friend. And I’m fair. I do NOT go out of my way to lash out at people. Even people that I don’t like are typically spared reaction from me. In my mind, it just takes too much work and negative energy to be mean to people. Rather, I just ignore those that I believe to be jerks. Yet, from time to time, I run across people who take it upon themselves to be judge and jury of my behavior and then also berate me inappropriately. As a for instance, I will never forget the time many years ago when I dealt with a tirade out in the parking lot in front of a Renaissance Fair.
I had not yet joined the SCA. I had discovered the local Ren Fair in Florida, and I just loved it! Every weekend, I went to the fair. I even assembled “renny” clothing for walking around. One Saturday morning, I arrived about two hours or so after the fair had begun. I got out of my car and started walking towards the entrance when I saw another guy in renny clothing walking from the gate towards me at a hurried pace. He was furious with me, which was bizarre since I had no idea who he was. In no time at all, he was in my face, screaming at me for being late and reminding me that the cast had all been told NOT to be late for the opening of the fair. I kept trying to interrupt, but he wouldn’t let me. He was hell-bent on screaming at me loudly and making an example and creating a scene. So I just stood there quietly while he made a fool out of himself. And sure enough, as I looked around, I saw people staring. Right after he finished telling me to hurry up and get my ass to my station, I said to him, “Can I just say one thing? I am not now, nor have I ever been, a cast member. I’m a paying customer.” Wiping the egg off his face, he couldn’t backpedal enough as he tried to apologize. I accepted his apology – I’m not vindictive. But it doesn’t change the fact that for the supposed “offense” that I had caused, I not only received a loud and intimidating scream fest, but had been humiliated in public in front of anybody walking around the parking lot at the time.
Back in college, I really had a hard time with self-esteem. In a nutshell, I really didn’t have any. And I rather desperately just wanted to be liked! If someone was friendly with me, all was good. But if someone didn’t seem to like me for some reason, it just cut me to the core. And any time I suffered abuse at the hands of someone else who treated me poorly, I just kept going back for more, hoping to get the person to change his or her mind and treat me nicely. So if I knew a person who was super prickly that would lash out at me over stupid things, I took it very personally and truly believed I deserved it for doing something wrong. As an example, let’s say that I sat around a table eating with a bunch of classmates. I would take a bit of something that was more bitter than I expected, and I would wrinkle my nose. The person across the table might jump to the wrong conclusion thinking that I was making a face at him, and then chew me out publicly for it. And what would I do? I would apologize to him and then go home thinking that I really needed to make more of a point never to react facially when eating.
Fast forward to today. I am 47 years old, and honestly – I just have no time, patience, or tolerance for that kind of a thing anymore. I like me the way I am, and I have a lot of friends. And when I run into somebody who wants to drop drama-bombs into my life, I just don’t put up with it – not any more. If I really did do something wrong or offensive or rude, I’ll own it. Talk to me like a grown-up and I’ll do my best as a grown-up to fix the problem. But honestly, if you lash out at me like an upset teenager who is experiencing more hormone than logic, you’re probably not going to get anything from me other than a slam of the door in your face.
Your drama – your problem.
