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Cat Herding
Oct. 20th, 2015 12:44 pmTidying up in your office as 5:00 beckons, you smile to yourself for a moment realizing that the weekend is approaching. And even more exciting, you don’t really have a lot of crazy plans. You can kick back if you like, or go for a drink or two, or watch some television. Oh! You suddenly remember that a movie that you’ve wanted to see is opening up and you really want to see it. “Perfect!” you think to yourself. You’ll call your bestie, Steven, to see if he wants to go to the movie with you. You make the call. Steven is in. Yeah! The weekend is going to be great! So you plan on seeing the movie on Saturday.
Later on, Steven sends you a note asking if Bob and Frank can go along. “Sure,” you think to yourself. But then Steven says, “OK. Send them a note and coordinate. Gotta run!” “Uh… um… ok” you think to yourself, as you suddenly find yourself adopting just a little bit more work than you bargained for. You talk to Bob, who isn’t sure if Frank can go. And Bob sounds ok. By the time Frank gets involved, Steven contacts you again saying that he isn’t available at the time you wanted to go, but that he can go at a different time. By this time, Frank gets involved to say that he’s good with seeing a movie, but doesn’t want to see the movie you proposed. Instead, he wants to go see some horror flick and the other guys are leaning in that direction as well. Oh, let’s add on that now they all want to carpool and somehow you are suddenly involved in coordinating the carpool. Now, enter Shawn. Shawn found out from Frank that there is a big movie get together, and he is pissed at you because you didn’t invite him to go as well when all the other guys are going.
So, to summarize, you are now finding yourself organizing a car pool that you didn’t want to organize. You don’t get to go to the movie when you wanted to. And you aren’t even able to see the flick that you wanted to see. And to top it all off, one of your friends is pissed off at you as if you purposely did something to exclude him.
Sound far-fetched? Oh… if only.
This horrifically complicated and drama-filled phenomenon is known not-so-affectionately in my world as “Cat Herding”. Cat Herding, at its simplest, involves the often futile effort to try and coordinate people and/or forces that just simply do not want to be coordinated. And it is something that, to be very direct, I avoid at all cost – even at the risk of appearing anti-social.
Now please do not misunderstand – I do enjoy spending time with friends - but not at the cost of having an anxiety-attack or incurring the misplaced wrath of someone who is unhappy with the result of the group compromise. You see, I have this crazy concept about adulthood. One of single the greatest gifts of adulthood involves being able to make choices about one’s own self. And I choose NOT to allow myself to be thrust into a tense situation just because others don’t want to get their act together. Do you want to join me to see a particular movie at a particular time in a particular place? If so, then let’s meet there at that time and enjoy the movie. If you don’t want to, that’s totally fine. I will not take offense. Perhaps you have a slight alteration that you’d like to suggest. If so, suggest away. And if I am ok changing my plans, fine. If not, we’ll just each go at separate times. Easy-peezy. No drama.
Truly one of the worst situations for cat-herding involves going out to eat. Very simply, any more than 5 or 6 people, and I cringe. Most restaurants are just not ready for a large party to just show up at the door at dinner time without reservations. And corralling people who are hungry and tired and bitchy with expectations of restaurant perfection is just… well… let’s just say that Dante described it in the Inferno. One person doesn’t want to eat at a chain restaurant. Another is vegetarian. Then there is the family with the three young kids, one of whom is having a tantrum right now. Then there are the others who are notoriously late. Then there is the couple who need to leave early. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH! PLEASE just do me, you, and everyone else a favor – just go to eat where you like, when you like, and we will save our social time for a time that doesn’t involve coordinating.
Trust me, we’ll all get along SO much better.
Later on, Steven sends you a note asking if Bob and Frank can go along. “Sure,” you think to yourself. But then Steven says, “OK. Send them a note and coordinate. Gotta run!” “Uh… um… ok” you think to yourself, as you suddenly find yourself adopting just a little bit more work than you bargained for. You talk to Bob, who isn’t sure if Frank can go. And Bob sounds ok. By the time Frank gets involved, Steven contacts you again saying that he isn’t available at the time you wanted to go, but that he can go at a different time. By this time, Frank gets involved to say that he’s good with seeing a movie, but doesn’t want to see the movie you proposed. Instead, he wants to go see some horror flick and the other guys are leaning in that direction as well. Oh, let’s add on that now they all want to carpool and somehow you are suddenly involved in coordinating the carpool. Now, enter Shawn. Shawn found out from Frank that there is a big movie get together, and he is pissed at you because you didn’t invite him to go as well when all the other guys are going.
So, to summarize, you are now finding yourself organizing a car pool that you didn’t want to organize. You don’t get to go to the movie when you wanted to. And you aren’t even able to see the flick that you wanted to see. And to top it all off, one of your friends is pissed off at you as if you purposely did something to exclude him.
Sound far-fetched? Oh… if only.
This horrifically complicated and drama-filled phenomenon is known not-so-affectionately in my world as “Cat Herding”. Cat Herding, at its simplest, involves the often futile effort to try and coordinate people and/or forces that just simply do not want to be coordinated. And it is something that, to be very direct, I avoid at all cost – even at the risk of appearing anti-social.
Now please do not misunderstand – I do enjoy spending time with friends - but not at the cost of having an anxiety-attack or incurring the misplaced wrath of someone who is unhappy with the result of the group compromise. You see, I have this crazy concept about adulthood. One of single the greatest gifts of adulthood involves being able to make choices about one’s own self. And I choose NOT to allow myself to be thrust into a tense situation just because others don’t want to get their act together. Do you want to join me to see a particular movie at a particular time in a particular place? If so, then let’s meet there at that time and enjoy the movie. If you don’t want to, that’s totally fine. I will not take offense. Perhaps you have a slight alteration that you’d like to suggest. If so, suggest away. And if I am ok changing my plans, fine. If not, we’ll just each go at separate times. Easy-peezy. No drama.
Truly one of the worst situations for cat-herding involves going out to eat. Very simply, any more than 5 or 6 people, and I cringe. Most restaurants are just not ready for a large party to just show up at the door at dinner time without reservations. And corralling people who are hungry and tired and bitchy with expectations of restaurant perfection is just… well… let’s just say that Dante described it in the Inferno. One person doesn’t want to eat at a chain restaurant. Another is vegetarian. Then there is the family with the three young kids, one of whom is having a tantrum right now. Then there are the others who are notoriously late. Then there is the couple who need to leave early. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH! PLEASE just do me, you, and everyone else a favor – just go to eat where you like, when you like, and we will save our social time for a time that doesn’t involve coordinating.
Trust me, we’ll all get along SO much better.
