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Valentine’s Day 2016
Feb. 16th, 2016 12:34 pmAs you know, this past weekend was Valentine’s Day. Other than it being my sister Tina’s birthday (which makes me happy), I’m not a fan of Valentine’s Day. Why? Because I really don’t like the idea of a holiday pressuring you or me or anyone else into having to do something that we may or may not do any other day of the year. I don’t like sending cards on Mother’s Day. I don’t wait until Veteran’s Day to show appreciation to our military. And I don’t believe in putting money in someone else’s pockets to buy something nice for my hubby just because the calendar says to.
Now, having ranted a bit, I am pretty pleased with myself for surprising my honey this past weekend with a very special gift – a ring that my maternal grandfather passed on to my mother, then to my father, then to one of my sisters, and then to me. It had quite a history, and a lot of damage. But thanks to the wonderful artistry of our local jeweler, Theresa’s, the ring was restored. And now, my hubby has it.
I received quite a number of “Awwwwww, how cute!” comments from people, which I really appreciate. And a lot of people I know act like we are some sort of calendar-couple, which I also appreciate. But I have news for you. Our relationship is not perfect. I don’t think any relationship is. Our relationship takes work. We’ve had our ups and downs. We’ve had our great times. We’ve had our tears. But through every low that we’ve hit, we’ve worked through it and gotten stronger.
I look back to the early days of our relationship. Many of you may not know that I took a completely foolish (by all accounts) leap of faith by selling my home, quitting my job, not having a plan, and deciding simply to leave my home in Florida to come to Southern California to move in with this guy that I really only knew through phonecalls and email. Control freak that I am, doing this was one of the craziest things I’ve ever done! Add on that I was leaving a quiet and orderly home for a house with (at the time) 3 dogs, 7 cats, 5 people, and a LOT of dirt, clutter, and repairwork still needed. UGH! In fact, it was (and still is) the house that led to some of our biggest arguments. I remember very distinctly one time just losing it because I felt like I had no say in anything. Here it was, I moved out here to be this guy’s partner, and he was so strong in his opinion about absolutely every aspect of the house that there was just no room for my input. I was able to deal with that for a little while. But as the days went on, and I realized that I was going to be stuck in a Victorian home for decades (and Victorian is NOT my aesthetic!), I realized I was going to have to fight to at least have *some* input in the process. Why couldn’t he just compromise? Why couldn’t he give in? One night, I don’t even remember what the catalyst was, but I remember we got into a screaming match about cabinet knobs or something like that. I was in tears, and he just looked shocked that I was so upset. But by the end, he learned that I needed to be able to have some input into things. Yes! Victory!!!!! Simple, right?
Well, not exactly. You see. This was just an account from my perspective and from my emotions. Only in hindsight can I really appreciate how important that argument was. You see, knowing my hubby as I do now, I know that as a kid, he didn’t exactly get things his way either. Growing up in a very conservative family with everyone having their roles, the kids didn’t get things that were anything but necessities. But if dad wanted it, dad got it. This led to resentment. And by the time Paul reached adulthood, it was his turn to finally get what he wanted. So when he bought the Claycomb house, this was his time! He could finally get the things he wanted, how he wanted, and not have to go through someone else for permission. Most of his friends pretty much just said, “Wow, neat!” which further empowered him. Hearing, “no!” was not something he was used to…. Until I came along. And in looking back, I know that at the time, I did not really understand or appreciate JUST how much of a gift Paul was giving me in allowing me to assert such a strong say in a dream that was his before I ever even entered the picture.
So yes, we’ve had to argue about things. Yes, we’ve gotten flustered with each other over ideas or projects. But when we have, we have managed to take a break, and then discuss, and then get back to things, settle the issue, and move ahead with a plan. And ya know what? That is really what has made our relationship work.
Does this mean we don’t have any more arguments in the future? Certainly not! We have unknown adventures in the horizon! But I have confidence in us. I know that even when we bicker, we grow. THAT, boys and girls, is the reality to a relationship. Is it easy? Certainly not! Nor should it be. But it is sooooo worth it!
Now, having ranted a bit, I am pretty pleased with myself for surprising my honey this past weekend with a very special gift – a ring that my maternal grandfather passed on to my mother, then to my father, then to one of my sisters, and then to me. It had quite a history, and a lot of damage. But thanks to the wonderful artistry of our local jeweler, Theresa’s, the ring was restored. And now, my hubby has it.
I received quite a number of “Awwwwww, how cute!” comments from people, which I really appreciate. And a lot of people I know act like we are some sort of calendar-couple, which I also appreciate. But I have news for you. Our relationship is not perfect. I don’t think any relationship is. Our relationship takes work. We’ve had our ups and downs. We’ve had our great times. We’ve had our tears. But through every low that we’ve hit, we’ve worked through it and gotten stronger.
I look back to the early days of our relationship. Many of you may not know that I took a completely foolish (by all accounts) leap of faith by selling my home, quitting my job, not having a plan, and deciding simply to leave my home in Florida to come to Southern California to move in with this guy that I really only knew through phonecalls and email. Control freak that I am, doing this was one of the craziest things I’ve ever done! Add on that I was leaving a quiet and orderly home for a house with (at the time) 3 dogs, 7 cats, 5 people, and a LOT of dirt, clutter, and repairwork still needed. UGH! In fact, it was (and still is) the house that led to some of our biggest arguments. I remember very distinctly one time just losing it because I felt like I had no say in anything. Here it was, I moved out here to be this guy’s partner, and he was so strong in his opinion about absolutely every aspect of the house that there was just no room for my input. I was able to deal with that for a little while. But as the days went on, and I realized that I was going to be stuck in a Victorian home for decades (and Victorian is NOT my aesthetic!), I realized I was going to have to fight to at least have *some* input in the process. Why couldn’t he just compromise? Why couldn’t he give in? One night, I don’t even remember what the catalyst was, but I remember we got into a screaming match about cabinet knobs or something like that. I was in tears, and he just looked shocked that I was so upset. But by the end, he learned that I needed to be able to have some input into things. Yes! Victory!!!!! Simple, right?
Well, not exactly. You see. This was just an account from my perspective and from my emotions. Only in hindsight can I really appreciate how important that argument was. You see, knowing my hubby as I do now, I know that as a kid, he didn’t exactly get things his way either. Growing up in a very conservative family with everyone having their roles, the kids didn’t get things that were anything but necessities. But if dad wanted it, dad got it. This led to resentment. And by the time Paul reached adulthood, it was his turn to finally get what he wanted. So when he bought the Claycomb house, this was his time! He could finally get the things he wanted, how he wanted, and not have to go through someone else for permission. Most of his friends pretty much just said, “Wow, neat!” which further empowered him. Hearing, “no!” was not something he was used to…. Until I came along. And in looking back, I know that at the time, I did not really understand or appreciate JUST how much of a gift Paul was giving me in allowing me to assert such a strong say in a dream that was his before I ever even entered the picture.
So yes, we’ve had to argue about things. Yes, we’ve gotten flustered with each other over ideas or projects. But when we have, we have managed to take a break, and then discuss, and then get back to things, settle the issue, and move ahead with a plan. And ya know what? That is really what has made our relationship work.
Does this mean we don’t have any more arguments in the future? Certainly not! We have unknown adventures in the horizon! But I have confidence in us. I know that even when we bicker, we grow. THAT, boys and girls, is the reality to a relationship. Is it easy? Certainly not! Nor should it be. But it is sooooo worth it!
