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Internet Behavior
Sep. 7th, 2016 08:09 pmOn March 12, 2003, I posted my very first blog post, and I really haven’t stopped since. I have posted about events in my life, major milestones, upsets, successes, geeky moments, art, family and relationships, friends, admissions of guilt, SCA moments, religious reflections, pictures of pets, gardening, politics,– you name it, I’ve written about it. (I do call it “Random Stream of Consciousness” for a reason, after all). And in that time, I have read a proverbial ton of comments. Most of the time, the comments have been positive. Less so, posts from Facebook friends or journal friends have not been so nice. But that’s rare. For the most part, people have typically acted with civility. Yet, over around the past year or so, and particularly over the past few months, I have noticed some really unacceptable behavior – often from the same individuals over completely unrelated topics. And because I have noticed a pattern of behavior - key phrase – a PATTERN of behavior, I’m going to address it.
Let me give you an example. This example is 100% made up. But it runs very strong parallels to posts I have made anywhere over the past 12-18 months. Let’s say that I am recalling a wonderful Saturday where I got some alone time, and discovered a really cool new nature trail. I start my post thusly, “Saturday morning, I didn’t have great expectations for the day. I woke up with a headache. The cats howled unsympathetically for their breakfast, I stubbed my toe while walking down the stairs, and when I went to my favorite little hole-in-the-wall diner for breakfast, I was less than thrilled when my typical breakfast order came out with the eggs still runny, and the toast burned. But just as I was about to write off the day as a total loss, things began to change. (Here, the post goes on over several paragraphs painting a picture about how the day turned around, and became a wonderful almost tear-inducing story of a magical time out in nature).
OK, with me so far? I post the two page tale on my blog, and now is where the bad behavior starts.
Comment 1: I’m glad your Saturday went well, but I’m sorry that you had a bad experience at that restaurant. I’ve gone there many times myself and have never had an issue.
Comment 2: Joe is probably just saying that because he is a super-picky diner.
Comment 3: Well I for one have had Joe’s cooking, and I don’t always find it to my taste. Just because it isn’t to your taste doesn’t mean it is bad.
Comment 4: Back when I was in college, I worked as a short-order cook, and let me tell you, that is NOT an easy job, and it can be very unforgiving. (Long rant)
Comment 5: This is such bullshit typical behavior from Joe! Nothing is ever good enough!
Comment 6: Hey, what’s with you guys? Can’t he have an opinion? Sheesh!
Comment 7: Joe should realize that he is an SCA peer and an SCA baron and his words carry much more weight than if he were lower on the totem pole. I’m sure he didn’t mean to be so offensive with his clumsy wording.
Comment 8: While I doubt Joe meant to offend anyone with egg-gate, he really should stop creating controversy in his postings.
Comment 9: Stop telling me not to be offended!
Comment 10: Oh sure, Joe’s comment about the eggs may not seem all that bad, but I’m pretty sure he edited it because I remember his original statement being much worse.
Etc., etc., etc., etc.
I wish – I WISH this sort of an example were an exaggeration!!!!!!
Now, here’s the thing. While it may look to some individuals that I spend all my time online, trust me – I do not. I work a pretty hectic government job where I often barely have time to run to the restroom. At home, I am often doing several things at the same time, driving my poor hubby nuts by acting like a chicken with his head cut off. And on a very regular basis, I am guaranteed to not be able to sleep unless I have managed to check everything off of my (unrealistically large) To Do list. Thus, by the time I get to review all the commentary that is buzzing around, it has turned into its own crazy wildfire of tangent, hysteria, and victim-soapboxing. And ya know what? I am seriously tired of it, and it needs to stop.
So because it is my blog and thus, my rules, I am going to make a few key points for future reference.
1. I take full responsibility for my actions and for my words. I will NOT, however, take responsibility for how someone else misinterprets my words. If I believe a rational person (a RATIONAL person) could misunderstand my meaning based on what I wrote, I will apologize and take steps to clear things up. But here’s what I am seeing lately. Some people bend things FAR out of proportion and really stretch interpretations almost as if they are trying to find a way to become offended and justified to jump on a soapbox. Nope. Sorry. Absolutely not! I will not be manipulated that way. You have the right to be offended by any darned thing in the universe. But your feelings are not my responsibility – particularly if I believe that you are getting TOO creative in your reasons to take offense.
2. There are times that after a lot of discussion (which in this case is a polite word for “flame-war”), I have had private side-bar discussions with key individuals and told them, as politely as I can, that they are making a mountain out of a molehill and need to knock it off. I have then been accused of “tone policing”, (which I must admit, I had to look up). Again, my blog – my rules. I can count on one hand the amount of people that I have ever blocked. I don’t mind civilized adult discussion. I don’t even mind disagreements. But when I see someone trolling my accounts and constantly regularly picking fights, taking things out of context, or creating drama, I will insist that they either behave like an adult, or leave.
3. Pot stirring. Yes. There are indeed times when I have created a post purposely to get people to think about and talk about an issue that I think is important. (my SCA-related post about the Order of Chivalry and the buffet is a good example; as is my many posts back in the day about Prop 8 and same-gender marriage). But as a matter of fact, I don’t get my jollies out of stirring pots unless I am in the kitchen. Do I have a reputation of being a pot-stirrer? Perhaps, to some people. And if that is how you view me, you are entitled to your opinion. But I will say this. Some of the biggest explosions I have seen on my Facebook or journal (MOST in fact) have come from the most innocuous posts where an individual go nuts not over what I actually wrote, but what he THINKS I wrote, and then the hysteria grows after more people join in. Again, I expect people to be adults.
4. If you have an issue with something I say, talk to me about it. I don’t mind discussing it. If you can convince me to take a different position, bully for you. It is possible. But just because you see something one particular way doesn’t mean I will. And if it comes to a point where you and I just aren’t going to agree, we both need to take a step back and decide if it is really so important as to continue the discussion. Most of the time, it just isn’t. Why? Because the original point just wasn’t a particularly big deal. Not every single disagreement in the world needs to be hashed out until fully resolved! People don’t always have to agree on things. But seriously – do NOT try and guilt or manipulate me into doing things your way. The only thing that is guaranteed to do is to make me angry.
So why am I discussing this? Well, simple. The pattern of behavior that I have described above is somewhat of an elephant in the room that I know several of my friends have seen and have been annoyed by, but I do not believe has been specifically called out. And because I have observed it from afar, from close-by, and from REALLY close-by; I have a good perspective about it, and I am not going to tolerate it going forward – nor do I believe anyone else should either. Life is challenging enough on a daily basis. The last thing any of us need when we open up our laptops to escape the challenges of life is to be hit in the face with manufactured drama.
Let me give you an example. This example is 100% made up. But it runs very strong parallels to posts I have made anywhere over the past 12-18 months. Let’s say that I am recalling a wonderful Saturday where I got some alone time, and discovered a really cool new nature trail. I start my post thusly, “Saturday morning, I didn’t have great expectations for the day. I woke up with a headache. The cats howled unsympathetically for their breakfast, I stubbed my toe while walking down the stairs, and when I went to my favorite little hole-in-the-wall diner for breakfast, I was less than thrilled when my typical breakfast order came out with the eggs still runny, and the toast burned. But just as I was about to write off the day as a total loss, things began to change. (Here, the post goes on over several paragraphs painting a picture about how the day turned around, and became a wonderful almost tear-inducing story of a magical time out in nature).
OK, with me so far? I post the two page tale on my blog, and now is where the bad behavior starts.
Comment 1: I’m glad your Saturday went well, but I’m sorry that you had a bad experience at that restaurant. I’ve gone there many times myself and have never had an issue.
Comment 2: Joe is probably just saying that because he is a super-picky diner.
Comment 3: Well I for one have had Joe’s cooking, and I don’t always find it to my taste. Just because it isn’t to your taste doesn’t mean it is bad.
Comment 4: Back when I was in college, I worked as a short-order cook, and let me tell you, that is NOT an easy job, and it can be very unforgiving. (Long rant)
Comment 5: This is such bullshit typical behavior from Joe! Nothing is ever good enough!
Comment 6: Hey, what’s with you guys? Can’t he have an opinion? Sheesh!
Comment 7: Joe should realize that he is an SCA peer and an SCA baron and his words carry much more weight than if he were lower on the totem pole. I’m sure he didn’t mean to be so offensive with his clumsy wording.
Comment 8: While I doubt Joe meant to offend anyone with egg-gate, he really should stop creating controversy in his postings.
Comment 9: Stop telling me not to be offended!
Comment 10: Oh sure, Joe’s comment about the eggs may not seem all that bad, but I’m pretty sure he edited it because I remember his original statement being much worse.
Etc., etc., etc., etc.
I wish – I WISH this sort of an example were an exaggeration!!!!!!
Now, here’s the thing. While it may look to some individuals that I spend all my time online, trust me – I do not. I work a pretty hectic government job where I often barely have time to run to the restroom. At home, I am often doing several things at the same time, driving my poor hubby nuts by acting like a chicken with his head cut off. And on a very regular basis, I am guaranteed to not be able to sleep unless I have managed to check everything off of my (unrealistically large) To Do list. Thus, by the time I get to review all the commentary that is buzzing around, it has turned into its own crazy wildfire of tangent, hysteria, and victim-soapboxing. And ya know what? I am seriously tired of it, and it needs to stop.
So because it is my blog and thus, my rules, I am going to make a few key points for future reference.
1. I take full responsibility for my actions and for my words. I will NOT, however, take responsibility for how someone else misinterprets my words. If I believe a rational person (a RATIONAL person) could misunderstand my meaning based on what I wrote, I will apologize and take steps to clear things up. But here’s what I am seeing lately. Some people bend things FAR out of proportion and really stretch interpretations almost as if they are trying to find a way to become offended and justified to jump on a soapbox. Nope. Sorry. Absolutely not! I will not be manipulated that way. You have the right to be offended by any darned thing in the universe. But your feelings are not my responsibility – particularly if I believe that you are getting TOO creative in your reasons to take offense.
2. There are times that after a lot of discussion (which in this case is a polite word for “flame-war”), I have had private side-bar discussions with key individuals and told them, as politely as I can, that they are making a mountain out of a molehill and need to knock it off. I have then been accused of “tone policing”, (which I must admit, I had to look up). Again, my blog – my rules. I can count on one hand the amount of people that I have ever blocked. I don’t mind civilized adult discussion. I don’t even mind disagreements. But when I see someone trolling my accounts and constantly regularly picking fights, taking things out of context, or creating drama, I will insist that they either behave like an adult, or leave.
3. Pot stirring. Yes. There are indeed times when I have created a post purposely to get people to think about and talk about an issue that I think is important. (my SCA-related post about the Order of Chivalry and the buffet is a good example; as is my many posts back in the day about Prop 8 and same-gender marriage). But as a matter of fact, I don’t get my jollies out of stirring pots unless I am in the kitchen. Do I have a reputation of being a pot-stirrer? Perhaps, to some people. And if that is how you view me, you are entitled to your opinion. But I will say this. Some of the biggest explosions I have seen on my Facebook or journal (MOST in fact) have come from the most innocuous posts where an individual go nuts not over what I actually wrote, but what he THINKS I wrote, and then the hysteria grows after more people join in. Again, I expect people to be adults.
4. If you have an issue with something I say, talk to me about it. I don’t mind discussing it. If you can convince me to take a different position, bully for you. It is possible. But just because you see something one particular way doesn’t mean I will. And if it comes to a point where you and I just aren’t going to agree, we both need to take a step back and decide if it is really so important as to continue the discussion. Most of the time, it just isn’t. Why? Because the original point just wasn’t a particularly big deal. Not every single disagreement in the world needs to be hashed out until fully resolved! People don’t always have to agree on things. But seriously – do NOT try and guilt or manipulate me into doing things your way. The only thing that is guaranteed to do is to make me angry.
So why am I discussing this? Well, simple. The pattern of behavior that I have described above is somewhat of an elephant in the room that I know several of my friends have seen and have been annoyed by, but I do not believe has been specifically called out. And because I have observed it from afar, from close-by, and from REALLY close-by; I have a good perspective about it, and I am not going to tolerate it going forward – nor do I believe anyone else should either. Life is challenging enough on a daily basis. The last thing any of us need when we open up our laptops to escape the challenges of life is to be hit in the face with manufactured drama.
