Service as a Crutch

So… here we are one full week after my surgery, and if I do say so myself, I’m doing really well. I’m moving around easily. The surgical wounds are healing nicely. And the only time I’ve felt any pain has been when I stupidly did something that I shouldn’t have. All in all, I would have to give my surgeon an A+. But comparing this operation to past surgeries probably isn’t fair. In the past 15 years or so, technology has improved, and treatment has changed quite a lot. I remember very clearly the first time I had a knee operation, things were not anywhere near this good. I remember waking up in a LOT of pain and nausea. Maneuvering was REALLY difficult. And the recovery took a much longer time. But through it all, I stayed busy. If you think I’m a spaz nowadays always having to stay busy, you didn’t know me back when I was younger.

I think back to when I had my first knee operation. It was… rough. There were a lot of things going wrong then. In addition to the surgery, the politics in my SCA world were at their height, and my relationship was on the rocks. (Obviously, this is pre-Giles for those of you who might be gasping). And whether it was a blessing or a curse, just as I was on the mend enough to get by on crutches, I was part of the event staff for a huge Kingdom event. Specifically, I was in charge of gate. And if I say I’m going to do a job, by the GODS, I am going to do it! Now, running gate might not sound like a big deal to many of you, but lemme tell ya – it was. Events back then were roughly 1,000+ people that went from Friday to Sunday (or sometimes Monday). We had to quickly process people through gate, and keep track of camping, cabining, one feast, two feasts, etc. The amount of money that went through our hands was obscene. And because of new financial policy enacted at the time by society after a particularly nasty Trimarian financial kuffuffle, we had to document the hell out of every single thing. It was no easy task. But truthfully, I welcomed the responsibility. Why? Because it got me out of the house, gave me distraction, and surrounded me by a comforting alliance of close friends who supported me while things were going to hell in my life. Besides - it was a sitting job. Heck, if I couldn’t teach dance like I normally would (which was just killin’ me!), I had to do SOMETHING, right?

I remember at one point or another, traffic had let up enough at the gate building that the gang told me to go and take a lunch break. I wanted to get up and out, so I left them in charge to head up to the main hall. So ya know how hobbling along on crutches can be a challenge under most circumstances – yes? Imagine being at an SCA event deep in the Florida wilderness and being on crutches. Maneuvering through fallen brush and branches while gimping along was… how does one describe it? It was a truly medieval experience! (I do NOT recommend it – EVER!)

After finally getting into the hall, I felt exhausted. My arms were killing me from using muscles that were not typically employed to aid in walking, and I needed to sit down. Nearby, I saw a good friend of mine whom I hadn’t seen in a while. So I hobbled over, sat down, and we began to chat. Well… that isn’t quite right. He chatted while I listened. And the irony poured out! Over the next half hour, I listened to my friend vent about how much work he believed he had done, and how the pelicans had not recognized him, and how he gave of himself sooooo much. The fact that he was doing absolutely NOTHING at this event while venting to a guy on crutches who was part of the event crew was totally lost on him. I sat there, just taking in the vent, all the while suppressing the urge to guffaw hysterically over the awkwardness of the situation. Yet, through it all, he never seemed to get it. Incidentally, it wasn’t all that long after that that he was made a Pelican. Me… not so much. But I digress…
By the time the event was over, we balanced all the deposits to the penny, closed up shop, and said our farewells. I felt physically exhausted and was hurting a little bit, but mentally I felt a bit recharged, having faced a challenging task that distracted me, for the most part, from the negativity in my life. And looking back, I really think that helped me to heal – not only physically but mentally.

So what’s my point of this age-old flashback?

Not everyone thrives or recovers in the same way. I think that for most people, “rest” means laying about, taking a nap, or maybe reading a book. And ya know what? That’s fine. But for me, I have a need to be needed. I measure the success of the day by how much I complete. It is just how I am hard-wired. I LIKE to physically move about and do things. I LIKE to try my hand at organizing things or taking on projects. I prefer to be over-burdened than under. It is just how I function and how I thrive. I know that sounds like hell to some of you, but for me, hell is having nothing to do and no purpose. Perhaps that makes me a bit odd, but I never claimed to be normal.

So thar it tis!