All about WHOM exactly?

 

 

In today’s post, I want to talk about “that guy”.  You know that guy!  He or she is that friend that you have who always manages to make it All about Him.  Normally, you get along with him.  But at those points in life where you have something cool happen, and you want to share your joy with your friend, your friend has a way of not only not acknowledging your joy, but one-upping it.  Let’s say you got a raise at work and you are happy and want to tell your bestie.  You tell your buddy that you just got a raise, and the only reply you get is, “Oh.  I got one myself last month.  Now I’m saving up to go to Spain.”  MAYBE your friend feels like it is just a general sharing session?  But you, in the meantime, feel completely deflated because your friend didn’t even offer you a congratulations.  Sucks, right?  And it might leave you wondering, “is my friend just a socially awkward clod who never learned to offer congratulations?  Or is my friend entirely self-centered?”  We all know that guy – particularly when that guy makes a habit of constantly exhibiting that type of behavior where s/he turns the spotlight towards his/her own accomplishments.

 

But here’s something I hadn’t really considered.  What about when you have a friend who exhibits that kind of behavior, but with life’s negatives?  Let’s say you were just blindsided and received your pink slip from work.  Naturally, you are upset.  And when you are speaking with your bestie, you let it be known that you just received your pink slip.  It would not be unreasonable for you to want to hear your bestie say, “Oh wow!  I’m so sorry.  Are you ok?”  But instead, your bestie says, “Oh big deal?  I got fired twice last year and I ended up fine.”  Let’s think about that for a moment.  Is your bestie acting like an ass by making it all about him?  Well yes.  But what’s his motive?  On the surface, it looks like he takes any situation and makes it all about him.  And it is a good possibility that perhaps that is what he is, in fact, doing here.  Or, maybe there’s something else behind his behavior?  Maybe… just maybe… this is his strategy not only to help himself cope, but to help you cope. 

 

Tapping into the brain of the other person is not always easy – particularly when two entirely different motives could result in exactly the same type of behavior.  Your friend really might just be a self-centered ass who loves to one-up no matter what the situation.  Or maybe… just maybe… this behavior is really a method of trying (poorly) to communicate, “I have experienced even greater negativity.  But I survived it.  And I have no doubt in my mind that you too will survive.  So pick yourself up by the bootstraps, because you are strong, and get back out there and tackle the world!”  I know that may sound like a mouthful of extrapolation.  But I can’t help but think that maybe that really IS the situation.  Take the example I gave above, for instance, about receiving your pink slip.  Maybe your friend really did get fired out of the blue a couple of times last year.  Maybe your friend really just didn’t talk about it much because, while devastated by it at the time, he just refused to wallow in self-pity because he knew it would be a waste of energy and that he just had to stay positive.  Maybe that is what got him through until he was able to get back on his feet?  And maybe, just maybe, that is what he is awkwardly trying to get across to you – that you WILL be fine, that you WILL come out on top, and that you WILL be in an even better place later on as long as you just stay positive, don’t allow yourself to be brought down, and you get back out there.  It IS possible.  How likely is it?  I don’t know.  It depends on the person, your relationship with that person, and how that person handles their own tragedies.

So what is my point in this post?  Basically to point out that sometimes, even when your friend is working your last nerve by seemingly downplaying everything that is happening in your life, maybe…. Just maybe… your friend really IS trying to help you out based on their own flawed-by-workable methods of self-coping. 

 

Just a thought.