Returning to the SCA
Jun. 8th, 2021 04:44 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
storytimewithjoeI need to get something off my chest.
As much as I want to return to the SCA – just the thought of in-person events is giving me major anxiety.
Sure, in many ways, anxiety is to be expected. We have all been in a pandemic for over a year, and “peopleing” has been few and far between. Naturally, returning to an event with hundreds of people that I know in varying degrees is going to be a system shock. But beyond that, I just feel like so many people are ANGRY, ANGRY, ANGRY over various topics, that the entire focus of the game is on how ANGRY people are, rather than on the hobby that I took up in the late ‘80’s. Don’t get me wrong – I know we have problems that we need to fix. And I am onboard to help fix them. But FFS, I’m not going to help anybody who is more interested in screaming in my ear than on communicating, explaining, educating, and also helping to fix the situation in practical and feasible ways. Why? Besides the fact that I’m a grown-up, it comes down to this - I’m tired. I’m drained. And I feel like there is just no more that I can do. Sure, I may have titles and influence. But when it comes down to it, my SCA titles are honorifics, only. They don’t qualify me as a professional investigator. They don’t make me a cop. They don’t make me a Non-Profit corporation specialist.
And they do NOT mean that it is my job or responsibility to pick sides or jump into EVERY situation that occurs.
I’m sure you all know that I am a very outspoken individual. I take that “speaking” part of my oath of fealty very seriously. And unlike those who consider it the better part of virtue to just never say anything (and don’t get me started on that!), I consider it the better part of virtue to say what I think and discuss my position with people for a better sense of common understanding. That is what dialogue and conversation is all about. Who knows? Maybe, I can convince you of a point? Maybe you can convince me of a point? Annoyingly, whenever I do speak my peace, there’s always some critic out there who believes I should keep my mouth shut. Um, no. Sorry, not sorry. I have influence. I have opinions. And when I believe it is better to speak, that is exactly what I am going to do. And if that pisses somebody else off, we can talk about it (if you can be respectful) – but I’m not going to lose sleep over it.
Then there is also that flip side of fealty – the “be silent” part. For all of the topics that come up for discussion, there actually are many that I have thought about, but choose to be silent – particularly when I know for a fact that the only power I have is to muddy the waters. In such cases, silence truly is the better part of valor. And conversely, but annoying nonetheless, when I am silent on a subject, there’s always some critic out there who believes I should speak up, sound the alarm, and make lots of noise. Um, no. Sorry, not sorry. I have influence. I have opinions. And when I believe it is better to be silent, that is exactly what I am going to do. And if that pisses somebody else off, we can talk about it (again, as long as the other party can be respectful) – but I’m not going to lose sleep over it.
I take my job as a peer and as a long-time player in this game seriously. But I also know it is a game, and that my role has its limits. That is not an excuse – it’s the plain reality. As we open up again, I plan on easing back slowly and at my own pace, which is what I advise of everybody else who is suffering any type of anxiety. I believe I can return to my own sense of joy of the game, which is what I hope for everybody else. And I am also preparing for changes to happen, which I hope will make our game better overall. But to be honest, that’s about all I am capable of right now, and I don’t know when/if that is going to change anytime soon.
I will decide when to speak.
I will decide when to be silent.
And I will decide if/when I will lend you an ear. But the second I feel disrespected, I’m shutting down the conversation.
So there it is. You know how I stand. Let’s see how the game looks when we return. I am optimistic… but cautiously so.
As much as I want to return to the SCA – just the thought of in-person events is giving me major anxiety.
Sure, in many ways, anxiety is to be expected. We have all been in a pandemic for over a year, and “peopleing” has been few and far between. Naturally, returning to an event with hundreds of people that I know in varying degrees is going to be a system shock. But beyond that, I just feel like so many people are ANGRY, ANGRY, ANGRY over various topics, that the entire focus of the game is on how ANGRY people are, rather than on the hobby that I took up in the late ‘80’s. Don’t get me wrong – I know we have problems that we need to fix. And I am onboard to help fix them. But FFS, I’m not going to help anybody who is more interested in screaming in my ear than on communicating, explaining, educating, and also helping to fix the situation in practical and feasible ways. Why? Besides the fact that I’m a grown-up, it comes down to this - I’m tired. I’m drained. And I feel like there is just no more that I can do. Sure, I may have titles and influence. But when it comes down to it, my SCA titles are honorifics, only. They don’t qualify me as a professional investigator. They don’t make me a cop. They don’t make me a Non-Profit corporation specialist.
And they do NOT mean that it is my job or responsibility to pick sides or jump into EVERY situation that occurs.
I’m sure you all know that I am a very outspoken individual. I take that “speaking” part of my oath of fealty very seriously. And unlike those who consider it the better part of virtue to just never say anything (and don’t get me started on that!), I consider it the better part of virtue to say what I think and discuss my position with people for a better sense of common understanding. That is what dialogue and conversation is all about. Who knows? Maybe, I can convince you of a point? Maybe you can convince me of a point? Annoyingly, whenever I do speak my peace, there’s always some critic out there who believes I should keep my mouth shut. Um, no. Sorry, not sorry. I have influence. I have opinions. And when I believe it is better to speak, that is exactly what I am going to do. And if that pisses somebody else off, we can talk about it (if you can be respectful) – but I’m not going to lose sleep over it.
Then there is also that flip side of fealty – the “be silent” part. For all of the topics that come up for discussion, there actually are many that I have thought about, but choose to be silent – particularly when I know for a fact that the only power I have is to muddy the waters. In such cases, silence truly is the better part of valor. And conversely, but annoying nonetheless, when I am silent on a subject, there’s always some critic out there who believes I should speak up, sound the alarm, and make lots of noise. Um, no. Sorry, not sorry. I have influence. I have opinions. And when I believe it is better to be silent, that is exactly what I am going to do. And if that pisses somebody else off, we can talk about it (again, as long as the other party can be respectful) – but I’m not going to lose sleep over it.
I take my job as a peer and as a long-time player in this game seriously. But I also know it is a game, and that my role has its limits. That is not an excuse – it’s the plain reality. As we open up again, I plan on easing back slowly and at my own pace, which is what I advise of everybody else who is suffering any type of anxiety. I believe I can return to my own sense of joy of the game, which is what I hope for everybody else. And I am also preparing for changes to happen, which I hope will make our game better overall. But to be honest, that’s about all I am capable of right now, and I don’t know when/if that is going to change anytime soon.
I will decide when to speak.
I will decide when to be silent.
And I will decide if/when I will lend you an ear. But the second I feel disrespected, I’m shutting down the conversation.
So there it is. You know how I stand. Let’s see how the game looks when we return. I am optimistic… but cautiously so.
