A Eulogy for Esther
Dec. 28th, 2005 08:51 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
storytimewithjoeThis morning I learned that my Aunt Esther died. Exactly one week ago, I received an email from her which included the following:
"I feel that I've lived a long and good life and am completely prepared to die. I just hope I can go quickly and not suffer too much pain. So far, so good. I'm grateful beyond words for all the loving, caring friends and family that have graced my life and enriched it. So HAPPY HOLIDAYS and enjoy seeing the sun come up in the mornings and when that blanket of stars appears at night look up at that dazzling display .... I hope to be reconstituted among them and twinkling for an eternity."
How can I possibly say anything more graceful or eloquent than this? She effectively wrote her own eulogy. I cannot say that this really surprises me. My Aunt Es was quite the control-freak. But I digress...
...once upon a time, there were two little girls, Esther and her little sister, Josephine. Right from the start, the two didn't particularly get along. Esther was the much more outgoing tomboy while Josephine was the more calm and down-to-earth. As they grew, they bickered and fought like typicaly siblings, and eventually travelled in different directions. Esther stayed in New York while Josephine visited Provincetown one summer, met my father, and decided never to go back. Oddly enough, Esther had visited Provincetown (like all lesbians eventually do) before my mother did, and she had met my father in his bar about a year before my parents were to gaze at each other for the first time.
My aunt spent time in the military. Only in recent times did it come to light that she was originally given a dishonorable charge back in the 40's because she was discovered with another woman. Back then, she fought the system and won - forcing them to change the status of her discharge.
My aunt was quite the artist. She was a brilliant photographer, taking top prizes in many a photography show in New York. She was a painter. She was an art historian. And yes, she was the epitome of the "Crazy cat lady." I remember one Thanksgiving weekend visiting her in New York so we could see the Macy's parade. Her little apartment was full of art books, and many a spoiled rotten kitty.
In their later years, both my mom and aunt wound up in Florida, moving into the same condo complex. Still at each other's throats after more than 70 years, the two would get along, and then bicker, and then scream at each other, and then not speak for months on end, and then make up, and the cycle would begin all over again. I guess in many ways they pushed each other's buttons too much like siblings often do. My aunt pulled no punches when it came to being critical. And my mother can not hear a criticism without taking it very much to heart and reacting to it (gosh, I guess I really AM my mother's son!)
I guess what I will remember the most about my aunt is her worldliness. She was very well-travelled (and would tell you just how much!). She was very successful in her careers and endeavors. She was a brassy new yorker all the way. She pulled no punches. She loved, loved, LOVED tennis almost as much as she loved cats. She drove my mother to drink. She would say the most critical and hurtful things without even realizing how cruel she sounded. She could be very accusatory. But at the same time, she could be very inspiring. She loved attention and would gladly take the central spotlight and spout off about her own fabulousness in a Norma Desmond-like fashion. She laughed.
Back in the 70's, she would drive from New York to Cape Cod to visit from time to time. For me and the sisters, she would always make a point to bring tins of Hopjes coffee candies. We would all fight over possession of the tins (my sisters loved them as they were great places to stash... whatever needed stashing). I loved the candies. Still do.
Goodbye Aunt Esther. I know you didn't like to be called eccentric, but I proudly do call you that because it is the perfect word for you - quirky, unique, strong, determined, set-in-one's-ways, artsy, etc. I will miss you. I am glad that you are no longer in pain. Twinkle ever on.
"I feel that I've lived a long and good life and am completely prepared to die. I just hope I can go quickly and not suffer too much pain. So far, so good. I'm grateful beyond words for all the loving, caring friends and family that have graced my life and enriched it. So HAPPY HOLIDAYS and enjoy seeing the sun come up in the mornings and when that blanket of stars appears at night look up at that dazzling display .... I hope to be reconstituted among them and twinkling for an eternity."
How can I possibly say anything more graceful or eloquent than this? She effectively wrote her own eulogy. I cannot say that this really surprises me. My Aunt Es was quite the control-freak. But I digress...
...once upon a time, there were two little girls, Esther and her little sister, Josephine. Right from the start, the two didn't particularly get along. Esther was the much more outgoing tomboy while Josephine was the more calm and down-to-earth. As they grew, they bickered and fought like typicaly siblings, and eventually travelled in different directions. Esther stayed in New York while Josephine visited Provincetown one summer, met my father, and decided never to go back. Oddly enough, Esther had visited Provincetown (like all lesbians eventually do) before my mother did, and she had met my father in his bar about a year before my parents were to gaze at each other for the first time.
My aunt spent time in the military. Only in recent times did it come to light that she was originally given a dishonorable charge back in the 40's because she was discovered with another woman. Back then, she fought the system and won - forcing them to change the status of her discharge.
My aunt was quite the artist. She was a brilliant photographer, taking top prizes in many a photography show in New York. She was a painter. She was an art historian. And yes, she was the epitome of the "Crazy cat lady." I remember one Thanksgiving weekend visiting her in New York so we could see the Macy's parade. Her little apartment was full of art books, and many a spoiled rotten kitty.
In their later years, both my mom and aunt wound up in Florida, moving into the same condo complex. Still at each other's throats after more than 70 years, the two would get along, and then bicker, and then scream at each other, and then not speak for months on end, and then make up, and the cycle would begin all over again. I guess in many ways they pushed each other's buttons too much like siblings often do. My aunt pulled no punches when it came to being critical. And my mother can not hear a criticism without taking it very much to heart and reacting to it (gosh, I guess I really AM my mother's son!)
I guess what I will remember the most about my aunt is her worldliness. She was very well-travelled (and would tell you just how much!). She was very successful in her careers and endeavors. She was a brassy new yorker all the way. She pulled no punches. She loved, loved, LOVED tennis almost as much as she loved cats. She drove my mother to drink. She would say the most critical and hurtful things without even realizing how cruel she sounded. She could be very accusatory. But at the same time, she could be very inspiring. She loved attention and would gladly take the central spotlight and spout off about her own fabulousness in a Norma Desmond-like fashion. She laughed.
Back in the 70's, she would drive from New York to Cape Cod to visit from time to time. For me and the sisters, she would always make a point to bring tins of Hopjes coffee candies. We would all fight over possession of the tins (my sisters loved them as they were great places to stash... whatever needed stashing). I loved the candies. Still do.
Goodbye Aunt Esther. I know you didn't like to be called eccentric, but I proudly do call you that because it is the perfect word for you - quirky, unique, strong, determined, set-in-one's-ways, artsy, etc. I will miss you. I am glad that you are no longer in pain. Twinkle ever on.
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no subject
Date: 2005-12-28 05:53 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-12-28 06:03 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-12-28 06:06 pm (UTC)...sometimes I get really sick o' death. Ya know?
no subject
Date: 2005-12-28 06:28 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-12-28 06:57 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-12-28 07:00 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-12-28 07:01 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-12-28 07:13 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-12-28 06:06 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-12-28 06:59 pm (UTC)(And I agree, I'm sick of illness and death, too.)
no subject
Date: 2005-12-28 07:01 pm (UTC)Hugs
Date: 2005-12-28 08:46 pm (UTC)Hugs
Date: 2005-12-28 08:46 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-12-28 09:51 pm (UTC)I'm sure she's still twinklin'.
hugs.
no subject
Date: 2005-12-28 10:02 pm (UTC)My Aunt Esther was the type of person who without even thinking about it would say... "Oh, I LOVE that new sweater you are wearing... it does such a nice job covering up all that weight you just gained. Oh, and the color is nice too."
no subject
Date: 2005-12-29 05:16 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-12-29 06:28 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-12-30 04:05 am (UTC)I was very moved by what you wrote about her. What a beautiful tribute to an amazing woman!