Coming back ain’t easy

One of the after-effects of going on a crazy week-and-a-half-long vacation is the reality of settling back into a routine. Personally, I like having a routine. A routine to me represents a sense of security. Even when I am unable to concentrate, or feel otherwise distracted, the “normal” flow of a routine helps to keep me focused. In a way, it is like being on an escalator or a people-mover. I don’t have to think. My auto-pilot just keeps me on track.

 

Admittedly, the crazy pace of my routine is by many people’s definitions, excessive. I typically do not allow for a lot of down-time, and that is by choice. Why? Because, frankly, I don’t do well with down time. While many people view the perfect evening as sitting in a comfy chair with a good book, to me that is torture. Why? Because by the third sentence, my eyes forget where they were and I begin to think about other things, other projects, and other lists. The tick-tock of the clock begins to distract and deafen me. And as I look up, the only thing I can see is the clutter around me, or unfinished projects screaming for attention. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACCCK!!!! CALGON!

 

Yet, getting back to the regular routine has not yet been easy. The exhaustion of the vacation took its toll on all of us weary travelers. While I was the only one not to come home with some sort of sickness, my sleep patterns and rest patterns are completely whacked out. I haven’t been to a yoga class yet (Le GASP! Le Shock!).

 

Even SCA-wise, I am feeling just crispy at the moment. The mega-craze of my self-imposed project-deadlines of Coronation and 12^th Nite just fried my butt. Truly. And here it is that I just received the ultimate unexpected accolade that the SCA can give me, and I feel like I am less involved than I have been in a while. My current project-load involves simply finishing out my tenure as Seneschal, doing some embroidery for Giles’ herald’s mantle, and doing a small feast for Anniversary in June. That might sound plentiful to some, but to me it is just… I dunno… meh. Compared to the number of projects that I normally do, and the pace that I like keeping, I just see the gaps and the arenas that I am not supporting. And yes, that bothers me.

 

Yes, I recognize that we all need a break from time to time. Yes, I recognize that I still need some recovery time. But still, the timing is just unfortunately bad. I don’t feel like I am really setting a good example as a peer at this very second, and that bothers me. I guess I feel just a little bit lost in terms of goals and inspiration. What should I do next, and how? Where can I be most helpful? What should I work on? Should I wait for a catharsis, or charge ahead without one? What do people want to see me do? How can I try to set a good example?

 

Or do I just need to chill-the-f$&-out because I am over-thinking again?