storytimewithjoe | Watching Project WTF

Many times when I watch Project Runway, I have the most amazing (yet useless) ability to admire the outfits that the judges pan, and to absolutely detest the ones that they drool over. Last night was no exception. As the season drew to its finale, they built up much Drama, Drama, Drama leading up to the final three designers and the collections they would be showing at Fashion Week. Throughout the whole recap and lead-in, I just rolled my eyes in jaded style, thinking to myself, “ya, ya, ya, can you show the damned dresses, please?” And when they finally did, I formed three distinct impressions. There was the completely forgettable collection, followed by the bright, fresh, bold, and hypnotic collection, finishing off with the one that made me go EEEEEEEEK! Yet clearly, I must have no clue. The judges immediately dismissed the one that I liked, nearly selected the “EEEEEEEK!” and finally agreed to award the big prize to the one I found completely forgettable.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACK!

In their deliberations, Jack-o-Lantern lookalike Michael Kors blathered on about how one designer had her finger on the pulse of where fashion is going, bla-dee-bla-dee-blah. Gods, that man is full of himself. Add on that for a supposed fashion-designer, he has looked the same for years. Seriously, the man has one look – an orange spray-on tan, and black coat over a black shirt. Seriously dude, Miami Vice called. They want their look back. Yet, he touts himself as so fashion-forward and so in-the-know. In so many ways, he is the Project Runway version of a know-it-all Laurel from A.S. single-digits who hasn’t made anything new since, but touts himself/herself as the end-all-know-all. (Please, please, PLEASE gods, may I never end up that way!!!!!)

When challenged one time by a write-in commentator who asked him how he can consider himself so much a fashionista when he himself always dresses so blandly, Ms. Pissy-pants retored that in his busy and fabulous life of fashion, he is too busy and fabulous to have time to dress. Um… WTF?!!!!!!!! You obviously have time to go and get air-brushed to look like a butternut squash, why can’t you put on a different pair of pants once in a while? Congratulations Mary McNelly, you have bumped yourself way up on my list of people that I simply must detest.

The ego that he displays honestly turns my stomach. I don’t mind it when an artist displays confidence in his or her own abilities. Indeed, when it comes to technique, one is either comfortable and confident, or a complete hot tranny-mess. It is one thing to say, “Yes, I am good at XYZ” but another to cross the line into “You can’t touch my Fabulocity!” And sadly, that pumpkin-on-crutches does just that.

I guess I am just not a fashionista. I don’t care what the current trend is. I don’t believe in wearing an outfit that is “current” or “cutting-edge” or “avant-garde” or any of the other buzz-terms if in my eyes it looks like a train-wreck. Cheap-ass that I am, I’ll shop at Ross, find some good deals to mix and match, and will be my own ghetto-fab fashion.

Is it sinful to wear clothes that don’t have a designer label? Before you answer that, let me remind you that the Devil wears Prada (and probably a bad spray-on-tan).