Alone time
Oct. 20th, 2012 12:43 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
storytimewithjoe“I vannnnnt to be aloooooone,” became the most famous slogan for Greta Garbo, who retired fairly early from her Hollywood career to lead a quiet and secluded life, shunning publicity. While such an epitaph is quite possibly apocryphal, it nevertheless describes not only Mz. Garbo’s latter years, but a mentality that I understand all too well.
While I love my friends, and family, and husband, and kitties, etc., etc., etc., every now and then I really just want nothing more than to be alone – no noise, no phonecalls, no emails, no texts, no meows, no pokes, no tugs for attention or conversation or communication or interaction or responsibility to anybody or anything else. Going one step further, I would say that it is more than just a want – it is a physical need. Every now and again, I NEED to be left alone.
I remember when I was a kid on Cape Cod, I used to absolutely love my alone time. Odd duck that I was, I didn’t really enjoy interaction with other classmates. And looking back now, I understand why, and it isn’t really what you might think. Tiny town that it was, class-sizes were very small. As I recall, my graduating class would have been about 18 or so. And the fact is, my personality was very different than the rest of my classmates. Recess to most of my classmates meant sports and running around a lot. Me, not so much. I was much more interested in mental agility – reading, imagining, philosophizing, creativity, etc. And these two things just didn’t mesh.
On weekends, I remember often heading off into the woods by myself. There, I felt so at-peace. Just me, the cool breeze, and the sound of the wind through the pine trees. No noise, other than the birds. I loved learning to identify birds through their sounds and the brief glimpses I would catch of them. On the rare occasion that tourists would venture into the woods, I felt my peace-of-mind shatter with the unnatural sounds of their voices in the otherwise pristine landscape of nature. Often, I would venture off the path to avoid them, or hide out behind a clump of trees or so until they passed by – again welcoming the peace and quiet.
Fast-forward thirty years. I have lots of social circles and an extended network of friends, family, and acquaintances. Weekends are ALWAYS booked, and most weekday evenings (if not all) are scheduled with various commitments. Sure I burn the candle at both ends, and for the most part, I wouldn’t have it any other way. Yet, every few weeks or so, I need to be like Garbo and just be left alone. And if I don’t, I get seriously bitchy!
I know that this concept – this need - must be alien to some. Some friends of mine out there are perfectly happy to always, always, always have company and social interaction – the more, the merrier. I’m just not that way. If anything, I had to learn and teach myself to deal with many forms of social interaction. But being alone comes naturally to me. Rarely do I find myself lonely. If anything, it is just the opposite. Sometimes, I really miss me. I know that sounds arrogant, but it isn’t meant to. I’m not saying, “I’m just oh so great.” Rather, I just enjoy having some alone time.
If “lonely” is the sad emotion that one might feel if deprived of company for too long, what is a word to describe the sad emotion one feels if overexposed to people for too long?
Whatever it is, that’s what I’m feeling right now.
While I love my friends, and family, and husband, and kitties, etc., etc., etc., every now and then I really just want nothing more than to be alone – no noise, no phonecalls, no emails, no texts, no meows, no pokes, no tugs for attention or conversation or communication or interaction or responsibility to anybody or anything else. Going one step further, I would say that it is more than just a want – it is a physical need. Every now and again, I NEED to be left alone.
I remember when I was a kid on Cape Cod, I used to absolutely love my alone time. Odd duck that I was, I didn’t really enjoy interaction with other classmates. And looking back now, I understand why, and it isn’t really what you might think. Tiny town that it was, class-sizes were very small. As I recall, my graduating class would have been about 18 or so. And the fact is, my personality was very different than the rest of my classmates. Recess to most of my classmates meant sports and running around a lot. Me, not so much. I was much more interested in mental agility – reading, imagining, philosophizing, creativity, etc. And these two things just didn’t mesh.
On weekends, I remember often heading off into the woods by myself. There, I felt so at-peace. Just me, the cool breeze, and the sound of the wind through the pine trees. No noise, other than the birds. I loved learning to identify birds through their sounds and the brief glimpses I would catch of them. On the rare occasion that tourists would venture into the woods, I felt my peace-of-mind shatter with the unnatural sounds of their voices in the otherwise pristine landscape of nature. Often, I would venture off the path to avoid them, or hide out behind a clump of trees or so until they passed by – again welcoming the peace and quiet.
Fast-forward thirty years. I have lots of social circles and an extended network of friends, family, and acquaintances. Weekends are ALWAYS booked, and most weekday evenings (if not all) are scheduled with various commitments. Sure I burn the candle at both ends, and for the most part, I wouldn’t have it any other way. Yet, every few weeks or so, I need to be like Garbo and just be left alone. And if I don’t, I get seriously bitchy!
I know that this concept – this need - must be alien to some. Some friends of mine out there are perfectly happy to always, always, always have company and social interaction – the more, the merrier. I’m just not that way. If anything, I had to learn and teach myself to deal with many forms of social interaction. But being alone comes naturally to me. Rarely do I find myself lonely. If anything, it is just the opposite. Sometimes, I really miss me. I know that sounds arrogant, but it isn’t meant to. I’m not saying, “I’m just oh so great.” Rather, I just enjoy having some alone time.
If “lonely” is the sad emotion that one might feel if deprived of company for too long, what is a word to describe the sad emotion one feels if overexposed to people for too long?
Whatever it is, that’s what I’m feeling right now.
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no subject
Date: 2012-10-19 11:40 pm (UTC)I joke about my Seaside Hermit Cave (it used to be a mountaintop but seaside is much closer). To the Hermit Cave!
no subject
Date: 2012-10-20 12:26 am (UTC)