Redeeming Social Value
Jan. 9th, 2013 06:36 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
storytimewithjoeWhile chatting recently with a very dear person in my life, I was reassuring him that it is ok to feel “the fear” in terms of relocation. In a nutshell, he and his partner are unhappy living where they live, and doing what they are doing 9:00-5:00. They want… and NEED a change. And that change involves saying, “Screw it. Let’s move to California!”
Oh boy, does THAT sound and feel familiar!
Back in the early 2000’s, I was facing a massive crisis-of-life. My first marriage was on the rocks. Work was making me CRAZY. I was just figuring out my sexuality. And as much as I tried my darnedest to be happy, I was just a pretty unhappy and miserable person. I wasn’t sure why I was unhappy. But I wanted and needed a change. Different clothes? Different hair? Maybe I needed to move? Maybe I needed a different job? Maybe… maybe… oh heck, I needed it ALL to change! EVERY SINGLE BIT!
My friends were very concerned with me because I decided to take a wild-shot at coming to California to be with Paul. “Are you NUTS?!” they would say. And I realize that they were being loving and supportive. After all, it really WAS a longshot at working out. And in many ways, it was a foolish thing to do. But at the same time, it was without question the single best thing I ever did!
Hand-in-hand with that, I also made the conscientious decision NOT to bring things that I didn’t need. When packing, I found myself getting rid of a lot of things. It wasn’t that they were broken. It wasn’t that they weren’t useful. It was that I didn’t need or want them. But more important that the physical stuff was the shedding of my mental baggage.
When I came to California, I became very out and proud. As far as people out here know, I have always been that way. Several people are quite surprised to learn that I was once married to a woman and that I used to date women. But another significant change is in my career-path.
While in Florida, I went to school for computers. And I hated it – HATED IT! The more I got into it, the more of a challenge the classes were – not because I wasn’t smart enough, but because I was just so bored and uninspired. I took on a minor in English literature to help provide a balance and help keep my sanity. The addition of classes did delay my graduation a little bit, but made the difference between me earning my degree and dropping out. Whereas I struggled with the dull-as-could-be engineering classes, I came to life in my English classes. One of my professors even made a very prophetic statement about me. She too came from a techie background, being a former IBM employee. But she pursued her doctorate in literature. Why? Because of something that she referred to as “Redeeming Social Value”.
“You will be successful in your career,” she said to me. “But you will be miserable. And one day you will either need to do something different, or you will die.”
Following college, I went to work at an IT firm. And I don’t think there was a single day that I enjoyed at that place. Seriously. I never felt any sense of job-security. I never felt any sense of importance. I never felt any sense of appreciation. But it was all that I knew. As far as I knew, work wasn’t something anybody WANTED to do or even LIKED doing. It was just that-which-is-done to allow for the enjoyment of the rest of one’s life. Leaving that horrible place was honestly one of the most liberating experiences of my life!
So let’s fast forward a bit.
I came to California in April of 2002. I had just about finished unpacking, had purchased my wonderful little black Jeep (which I still have, still drive, and still love!), and then had to figure out my next move. What would I be doing for work? For a brief and fleeting moment, I nearly fell back into old bad habits by looking for work in the IT field. But then, a clear voice came through my head, “NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!”
I didn’t know, or frankly care, what line of work I got into, as long as it was NOT in a Dilbert-Cube, and would not result in my headstone simply reading, “He made a mean spreadsheet.” But what would it be? Part of me fantasized about something outdoors. Heck, maybe I would get a job doing landscaping, or gardening? Maybe I would work in a park? But then as luck would have it, I ran into a job ad for a contract administrator at an AIDS healthcare provider.
I did have some contract experience from my previous job, and had a lot of experience in spreadsheets, excel, budgeting, etc. As for the place itself, I just didn’t know what to think. Heck, I was now an out gay-man in a gay relationship. And it was time to turn my efforts and talents into helping people – why not help people in my own community? For me, the move was perfect! I wanted – WANTED – that job! Just the thought of it made me feel alive. There was something new – a goal – a purpose – a…. Redeeming Social Value!
I interviewed a couple of weeks later, and was finally offered the job! The salary was maybe half of what I had been making previously. But ya know what? I decided to suck it up and cope. Why? Because it was worth it! What I did MATTERED! And what we did as an organization literally made the difference between life and death between those living with HIV. And eventually, that job got me to where I am today.
I do not regret any of my decisions for even a moment. I am so much happier today than I was then. And to be very honest – I like myself as a person much more than I used to.
When faced with the choice of what to do with mental baggage, remember that the choice is yours of whether to hoard it or let it go. For what it’s worth, I would advise emptying it out entirely. That will make more room for future dreams, future accomplishments, and of course, Redeeming Social Value to come.
Oh boy, does THAT sound and feel familiar!
Back in the early 2000’s, I was facing a massive crisis-of-life. My first marriage was on the rocks. Work was making me CRAZY. I was just figuring out my sexuality. And as much as I tried my darnedest to be happy, I was just a pretty unhappy and miserable person. I wasn’t sure why I was unhappy. But I wanted and needed a change. Different clothes? Different hair? Maybe I needed to move? Maybe I needed a different job? Maybe… maybe… oh heck, I needed it ALL to change! EVERY SINGLE BIT!
My friends were very concerned with me because I decided to take a wild-shot at coming to California to be with Paul. “Are you NUTS?!” they would say. And I realize that they were being loving and supportive. After all, it really WAS a longshot at working out. And in many ways, it was a foolish thing to do. But at the same time, it was without question the single best thing I ever did!
Hand-in-hand with that, I also made the conscientious decision NOT to bring things that I didn’t need. When packing, I found myself getting rid of a lot of things. It wasn’t that they were broken. It wasn’t that they weren’t useful. It was that I didn’t need or want them. But more important that the physical stuff was the shedding of my mental baggage.
When I came to California, I became very out and proud. As far as people out here know, I have always been that way. Several people are quite surprised to learn that I was once married to a woman and that I used to date women. But another significant change is in my career-path.
While in Florida, I went to school for computers. And I hated it – HATED IT! The more I got into it, the more of a challenge the classes were – not because I wasn’t smart enough, but because I was just so bored and uninspired. I took on a minor in English literature to help provide a balance and help keep my sanity. The addition of classes did delay my graduation a little bit, but made the difference between me earning my degree and dropping out. Whereas I struggled with the dull-as-could-be engineering classes, I came to life in my English classes. One of my professors even made a very prophetic statement about me. She too came from a techie background, being a former IBM employee. But she pursued her doctorate in literature. Why? Because of something that she referred to as “Redeeming Social Value”.
“You will be successful in your career,” she said to me. “But you will be miserable. And one day you will either need to do something different, or you will die.”
Following college, I went to work at an IT firm. And I don’t think there was a single day that I enjoyed at that place. Seriously. I never felt any sense of job-security. I never felt any sense of importance. I never felt any sense of appreciation. But it was all that I knew. As far as I knew, work wasn’t something anybody WANTED to do or even LIKED doing. It was just that-which-is-done to allow for the enjoyment of the rest of one’s life. Leaving that horrible place was honestly one of the most liberating experiences of my life!
So let’s fast forward a bit.
I came to California in April of 2002. I had just about finished unpacking, had purchased my wonderful little black Jeep (which I still have, still drive, and still love!), and then had to figure out my next move. What would I be doing for work? For a brief and fleeting moment, I nearly fell back into old bad habits by looking for work in the IT field. But then, a clear voice came through my head, “NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!”
I didn’t know, or frankly care, what line of work I got into, as long as it was NOT in a Dilbert-Cube, and would not result in my headstone simply reading, “He made a mean spreadsheet.” But what would it be? Part of me fantasized about something outdoors. Heck, maybe I would get a job doing landscaping, or gardening? Maybe I would work in a park? But then as luck would have it, I ran into a job ad for a contract administrator at an AIDS healthcare provider.
I did have some contract experience from my previous job, and had a lot of experience in spreadsheets, excel, budgeting, etc. As for the place itself, I just didn’t know what to think. Heck, I was now an out gay-man in a gay relationship. And it was time to turn my efforts and talents into helping people – why not help people in my own community? For me, the move was perfect! I wanted – WANTED – that job! Just the thought of it made me feel alive. There was something new – a goal – a purpose – a…. Redeeming Social Value!
I interviewed a couple of weeks later, and was finally offered the job! The salary was maybe half of what I had been making previously. But ya know what? I decided to suck it up and cope. Why? Because it was worth it! What I did MATTERED! And what we did as an organization literally made the difference between life and death between those living with HIV. And eventually, that job got me to where I am today.
I do not regret any of my decisions for even a moment. I am so much happier today than I was then. And to be very honest – I like myself as a person much more than I used to.
When faced with the choice of what to do with mental baggage, remember that the choice is yours of whether to hoard it or let it go. For what it’s worth, I would advise emptying it out entirely. That will make more room for future dreams, future accomplishments, and of course, Redeeming Social Value to come.
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2013-01-10 03:21 am (UTC)I have said this verbatim as recently as yesterday when talking about our move to Oregon. I'm also about to embark on another crazy change (well not so much a change right yet as it is more of an addition in the short term), and am feeling both excitement and fear, dread and elation. Years ago the fear would have consumed me to the point of prevention; today it fuels my excitement for what is to come.
no subject
Date: 2013-01-10 04:20 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2013-01-10 04:26 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2013-01-10 04:33 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2013-01-10 04:35 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2013-01-10 06:01 am (UTC)3 times I was dead wrong.
I've moved across the country on not much more than a wing and a prayer 2 times and didn't regret it. I'm ready to do it a 3rd time very, very soon.